


Fallacy

by Torri012



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Alternate Universe - Historical, Alternate Universe - Regency, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Love, Love Triangles, Misunderstandings, Regency, Regency Romance, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:07:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25440637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Torri012/pseuds/Torri012
Summary: Regency era AU set in 1819 England.Ready to settle for a love-less marriage, Chakotay Miller, a handsomely rich naval captain, proposes to his best friend’s sister. He is content with his choice, but then Chakotay’s life is suddenly turned upside down whenshere-emerges...
Relationships: Chakotay & Kathryn Janeway, Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway, Tom Paris/B'Elanna Torres
Comments: 32
Kudos: 49
Collections: J/C Photo Prompt Fic Fest 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I never intended to write a fanfic for the J/C Pic Fest (becaue I was making some of the images for it), but [MiaCooper](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiaCooper/pseuds/MiaCooper) created a [Pride & Prejudice image](http://www.bizarra.com/Biz/photo-prompts/2020_prompts/lord_chakotay_and_lady_janeway-miacooper.jpg) and I just couldn't help myself. I'm a total sucker for all things Jane Austen and Regency Era. I tried real hard in keeping it as short as it is, but honestly, I could've easily made it 2-3 chapters longer.
> 
> Thank you [chakochick](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chakochick/pseuds/chakochick) for beta reading ❤🖖
> 
> _Please note:_  
>  I'm not a native english speaker so please excuse any grammer/spelling mistakes or the lack of decent phrasing.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife. Chakotay knew this. He was a handsomely rich man in the prime of his life and if the female attention he received was any indication, he was a fairly good-looking man too. Every London season brought hordes of beautiful young ladies forward who clung onto his arm, hoping to capture his affections and to be made the new Lady Dorvan. Unfortunately for them, Chakotay’s attentions and affections were not easily captured.

Chakotay sighed before turning his gaze, which had been focused on the beautiful grounds outside, to the small metal band in his hands. His fingers were playing with the fragile ring nervously. He swallowed before steadying his trembling hands. He guessed Annika Paris would do. She was beautiful and well-educated. He had known her for years, so he wasn’t in danger of discovering any hidden undesirable traits after the wedding that might make him regret his decision. He didn’t love her, but he thought very highly of her and her situation in life only complimented his own.

His eyes focused on the aquamarine stone of the ring. He remembered buying it in a small jewelry store in London. He had never intended to throw himself at _her_ feet, to propose with a ring that almost bankrupted him, but he was so madly in love with _her_ that he couldn’t hold himself back. He had known beforehand that _her_ affections were already otherwise engaged and that his social status was far beneath her own, but he had hoped... oh god, how he had hoped, that she would spare him a glance and consider him as a suitor too. She hadn’t.

A faint smile, accompanied by a small yet painful sting in his chest, washed over him for a brief moment. Love had never visited him again and Chakotay knew it probably never would. After fifteen years of hoping that perhaps one day he would find _her equal_ he was ready to give up his dream of a love filled marriage.

Annika was a good choice. Her older brother, Tom Paris, was his best friend after all. Their father, navy admiral Owen Paris, was an influential man who would welcome him with open arms into the family business; giving him the opportunity to expand his fortune even further. Samantha Paris, Tom’s older sister who was now married and named Wildman, was a kind woman who took great pleasure in charitable acts throughout England and was one of the ladies who supported the movement which was set into motion by Mary Wollstonecraft many years ago. Not publicly of course. Feminism was still frowned upon and the Parises were a very prominent family that couldn’t afford having a shadow cast over their impeccable reputation.

_Annika was a good choice,_ he repeated over and over in his head, trying to block certain thoughts from creeping into his mind. Thoughts of breathtakingly beautiful blue eyes that had the same deep colour and sparkle as the small gem in his hand. He hadn’t bought that ring for Annika but it was high time he rid himself of it by slipping it on a delicate female finger. Annika was a good choice and he would ask her for her hand in marriage tonight at the ball.

“Brother, have you seen the decorations down in the ballroom yet?”

Chakotay’s head snapped up as Sekaya’s voice suddenly echoed through his library. He hadn’t heard her enter and was surprised to find her standing right behind him when he turned his head to look in her direction. “No, why?”

“One of the servants made a right mess of them,” she began and gestured wildly through the air. He had no idea what her hands were trying to tell him, but he knew that if she came to him with this matter, he was the one that ought to sort it out.

“I’ll have a look at it,” He calmed her while slipping the small ring into his pocket.

Sekaya shut her eyes for a second in relief before she nodded. “Thank you, Chakotay. I’m already late as it is and really don’t have time for this chaos right now.”

Chakotay’s eyebrow shot up and a small “Oh?” escaped his lips. His sister was very busy recently and he wondered if a young man was the reason. She claimed to have formed an intimate friendship with the new school teacher, but Chakotay doubted her words. Her frequent outings and her joyful mood when she returned had him wondering who the lucky fellow was.

“Yes, I promised the new teacher to help her sort through the paperwork the old teacher had left,” she began and Chakotay gave her a wicked, knowing smile.

She defensively held her hands up in the air. “I know what you’re thinking,” she began before turning on her heel and slowly heading for the door. “I am NOT secretly seeing a man.”

She paused her steps before quickly glancing over her shoulders. “You will see... You will meet her tonight... And you will love her...”

Chakotay’s hearty laugh filled the awfully quiet room. “I have no doubt.”

He honestly didn’t doubt that he would love the guy. If his sister went to such great lengths to please the man, he must be something special. He watched Sekaya leave before he snickered to himself. School teacher, what nonsense. Yes, they did have a new female teacher at the village school, but Chakotay really didn’t see his sister forming an intimate friendship with _that_ woman. He never met her, but - if the rumors were to be believed - that woman was tainted. She apparently had quite a scandalous past, including a very high fall from status, financial debt, a dead fiancé and an out-of-wedlock pregnancy that she terminated at one of the shady doctors in Birmingham.

Chakotay wondered how such a woman could have become their village teacher. He usually took care of the village’s affairs himself, which was his job as a landlord, but he was in France when the old teacher left a few weeks ago. Mike Ayala, his right-hand man and steward, had made the replacement decision on his behalf. Perhaps he ought to have a word with him on that account tomorrow. If Sekaya was indeed friends with such a person, it would undoubtedly be better to send word to London to request for a different teacher to be sent.

He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before rubbing his face. If he didn’t take matters into his own hands, things never turned out as they should. Or at least so it seemed.

The ball preparations weren’t going well either, apparently. He heard one of the kitchen maids complaining before that there were problems with the food. Another footman complained about the number of candles available and Sekaya fretted over the decorations. For a moment he wondered why he even held this ball. It was the same chaos every single year.

When he acquired the Dorvan Estate it was meant as a one-off occasion to get to know his new tenants but somehow it turned into a yearly event. Every time the village dance rolled round the whole house’s nerves were on the edge and it cost him a small monetary fortune.

Perhaps getting reinstated in the fleet was a better choice than marrying Annika Paris. He contemplated the thought for a minute before he sighed and started to head towards the ballroom on the other side of the manor. Sekaya would kill him for sure if he ever breathed of leaving England again so ... the ball and Annika it was.

***

“You scrap up well, Chakotay.”

A warm hand slapped him on the left shoulder and Chakotay turned round to stare into the happy face of his best friend. Tom’s eyes quickly raked over Chakotay, examining the fine dark blue clothes he was wearing.

“Anything special planned for today?” he asked in a questioning voice before he locked eyes with him. Tom was unbelievably perceptive and Chakotay only smiled in return. He didn’t want to tell him yet that he was going to ask his sister for her hand in marriage tonight, so instead he just shrugged his shoulders.

“I always look good, Tom, but thanks for noticing.”

The grin on Paris’s face got bigger and he slowly leaned in. “Is it a lady, perhaps?”

He laughed and shook his head. It amazed him every time how nosey and knowing his friend was. He wouldn’t tell him, though. Not yet. Not until he spoke to Annika first. Chakotay was about to respond when something behind him caught Tom’s attention. Instead of answering Tom’s prying inquiry he spun his head around to follow his friends stare. His eyes land on a dark-haired woman he had never seen before. She looked... Latin?

“Do you know who she is?”

Tom shook his head. “No, but I’m about to find out.”

He gave Chakotay another two pats on the shoulder before he a devilish grin settled on his lips.

“Catch you later, my friend!” he quipped before he was off heading towards the exotic brunette. Tom was the biggest flirt Chakotay knew and he couldn’t believe that, two minutes after his entering the ball, he had already found a new object of desire. Chakotay laughed to himself before shaking his head. The poor woman who would end up marrying Tom would be in for one hell of a ride. Not only was he the biggest Casanova out there, but he was also reckless with money and drank too much. Perhaps this Latin looking woman was just what Tom needed. Her fiery temper could perhaps take him a down a gear or two.

Chakotay’s eyes scanned the crowded ballroom and it didn’t take him look to glimpse the object of _his_ desire. Annika was standing next to one of the tall windows on the other side of the room, engrossed in conversation with the village doctor and the local baker and pub owner, Neelix.

He nervously tugged on his ear. This was as good a moment as any. He would snatch her away from the two gentlemen and take her for a nice stroll on the grounds. He would complement her on her attire before carefully stating his intentions.

***

“If this is your desire, Captain Miller, then of course I will comply.”

Chakotay let out a relieved breath. Annika seemed to have expected his proposal and was very willing to accept him. Yes, her choice of words didn’t fill his heart with over- joyous emotions, but he never expected them to. They were a good match as far as their characters and their situation went.

Chakotay fished the engagement ring out of his pocket and Annika held out her hand so he could slip it onto her finger. It fitted perfectly; almost as if it was made for her. She eyed it for a moment before she smiled. The ring was acceptable.

“Have you spoken to my father yet?” she inquired and Chakotay shook his head. He hadn’t, as he had no doubt of Admiral Paris’s approval.

“I will when we go to London in a fortnight,” he assured her. “I would appreciate it if you didn’t say a word to anyone yet. I would like to speak to Tom first if that’s alright with you.”

“Of course.” Annika nodded in agreement. She knew her family would be very happy to have Chakotay join the family and she was pleased that she was the one who could give that joy to them all. She liked him and she was sure he would be as good a husband as any. Yes, he did have some rather peculiar background on his father’s side, but he was the son of a gentleman’s daughter and he was wealthy, so his slightly exotic look was of no consequence to her. Rather the contrary if she was honest with herself. He was – like they say nowadays in London – tall, dark and handsome.

His grandfather had been a successful tradesman that frequently travelled across the Atlantic on business. On one of his voyages back to the Americas he brought his daughter with him. As unrealistic as it seemed, the daughter fell in love with a native American tribesman. She decided to stay in the West with him, where she bore him two children, a boy and a girl.  
Kolopak, Chakotay’s father, however, died of smallpox when the children were very young. He wanted to please his wife by settling near a European village so she could be close to her people. Unfortunately, his body couldn’t handle the diseases they brought with them and he died unexpectedly. Chakotay’s mother struggled alone in the West for some time before she had begged her father to take her back to England with him.

Beside his father’s exotic look Chakotay had also inherited his grandfather’s restless feet and it didn’t take him long to find his way back out onto the ocean. When he was a young man, he travelled back to the Americas to learn more about his native people and his father. It was then that Chakotay got his tribe’s symbol tattooed above his brow to honor their legacy. After that, he joined the British Starfleet Navy and went to the Indies. He worked his way quickly through the ranks before becoming captain of the Val Jean and later on the famous intrepid-class ship Voyager. Many successful missions and a large number of rich explorers and traders who frequently travelled with him on Voyager made Captain Miller an exceedingly wealthy and very well-respected man.

“Shall we join the festivities in the house?”

One of Chakotay’s arms gestured towards the manor while he held out the other for Annika to latch onto. She nodded and took possession of his arm, easing into the hoop, smiling broadly when she realized that she officially belonged there now.

The ballroom was buzzing with people and the music was barely audible due to the chatting of the villagers. Children were running in and out of the large balcony doors, while adults flocked together, holding drinks and small plates of foods. Planning this surely was a piece of work, but Chakotay was glad to see that his tenants enjoyed the evening.

The pair entered the hall and Chakotay instantly spotted Tom, who was chatting and joking lightly with the baker’s wife, Kes. He would inform Tom now about the new development, so he glanced sideways at Annika for her approval. She gave it eagerly. Chakotay took a deep breath and set them into motion just as a thin hand grabbed hold of his arm, pulling him and Annika out of their path.

“Oh Chakotay, I have someone here for you to meet.”

Sekaya had a sparkle in here eye as she dragged him off to the right. The corners of Chakotay’s mouth curled up into a smile. He was undoubtedly about to meet the man of his sister’s affections. He patted Annika’s hand, ready to voice a sarcastic remark about his sister, but his breath got stuck in his throat.

“Chakotay, I want you to meet my friend...” Sekaya began calmly while nudging her brother and Annika closer to her companion. Pale skin, auburn hair and ocean blue eyes suddenly stared up at him. Only inches from Chakotay’s face.

“...this is our new school teacher...”

Chakotay blinked rapidly; drowning out his sister’s voice as he felt the colour drained from his face. His mind started to go round in crazy circles and his stomached flip-flopped. This couldn’t be right. _She_ couldn’t be here.

“...Kathryn Janeway.”


	2. Chapter 2

“I am very pleased to make your acquaintance at last, Mister Miller. Your sister has told me so much about you.”

Kathryn held out a hand to him and it took Chakotay a few moments to realize what was happening. He still hadn’t quite grasped the situation, but intuitively he took her hand to greet her.

“Wel...come... Miss... Miss...”, he began to stutter.

“Janeway”, she finished for him before she gave him a friendly lopsided smile. She clearly didn’t recognize him and Chakotay was frozen in place. It was Annika’s shift of balance that made him snap back to reality.

“Annika Paris,” she introduced herself and Kathryn greeted her with equal friendliness.

“This is my cousin, B’Elanna Torres.” Kathryn gestured to the Latin looking woman next to her and the three of them bowed at each other.

“She’s here to visit me for a few weeks,” Kathryn informed them and Annika’s eyebrow shot up after she studied the dark-haired woman’s features. She looked quite remarkable with her slightly bronzed skin and dark eyes. Almost as exotic as Chakotay. She, however, wasn’t certain if she cared for her at all. Something about her was...wild and uncivilized.

“Spanish?” Annika asked after a while of silence.

“No-”, B’Elanna stepped closer to Kathryn, eager to start a conversation. “Portuguese... well, my father is Portuguese, but my mother is English. I grew up in Cheshire.”

“Interesting.” Annika’s response was blunt. She didn’t wish to elaborate on the subject any longer, so she nudged Chakotay’s arm to draw his attention away from them and towards her.

“I wish to dance!” she declared and Chakotay was slightly struck by how cold and unfriendly she was towards the newcomers. The two cousins silently exchanged looks, which didn’t go unnoticed by Chakotay. They too registered her ill-disposed behavior.

He tugged on his ear, then tried to smile sweetly before giving them a slight bow. “Excuse me, my ladies...” he started and suddenly wasn’t sure anymore how he would make their departure sound friendly. “...but duty calls.”

He swiftly turned away from them and guided Annika in the opposite direction towards the dance. He could hear his sister apologizing for him before B’Elanna spat “Petaq” and Kathryn let out a suppressed laugh as a response. Chakotay didn’t speak Portuguese so he had no idea what she had said, but by the sound of it... it probably wasn’t something friendly. He knew he was being rude too, but he didn’t know what else to do. Annika was his bride to be... plus he needed to get some distance between himself and... _her_.

He guided Annika to the dance floor where already a large number of couples readied themselves for the next quadrille. He brought them into position and was surprised to see that Tom lead B’Elanna onto the dance floor shortly after. As Tom spotted his friend and his sister, he moved over with his dance partner so they would be part of the same set. The young blonde man beamed brightly at his friend and he knew that Tom had taken quite a liking to the Latin looking woman. She seemed happy too, until she glimpsed Chakotay, who received a stern look of disapproval from her.

The dance passed relatively quickly and even though B’Elanna’s eyes kept lashing out at him, Chakotay enjoyed the activity. He was surprised how easy it was to forget the redheaded woman who once held such a grip over him. By the way she had introduced herself it was obvious that she didn’t recall their former acquaintance and Chakotay was glad about that. He had pushed the memory of Kathryn Janeway aside a long time ago and was now ready to settle with Annika Paris.

He did wonder though how Kathryn had ended up on his estate... as a teacher to the farmer’s children. She was, after all, the darling daughter of the proud and wealthy fleet Admiral Edward Janeway, his former mentor and instructor. The last time Chakotay had seen her, she was also engaged to be married, to Justin Tighe – a promising Starfleet cadet who was highly in the Admiral’s favor.

Back then Chakotay was only a low sailor who had admired Kathryn from afar for a very long time in silence. He had never been in a position to approach her. Admiral Janeway would’ve probably sliced him into pieces if he had known of Chakotay’s infatuation with his daughter. So Chakotay had kept his distance, drowning in unrequited love until one small act of kindness on her part had catapulted him right into her vicinity.

It had stirred up hope in Chakotay that perhaps this sudden proximity to her wasn’t just some random coincidence and that she too was perhaps looking at him the way he looked at her. A few lopsided smiles and the odd flash of her eyelashes in his direction had been enough to have him haste to a jewelry shop in London before falling on his knees in her father’s drawing room. She had refused, of course. Her affections had already been otherwise engaged and she couldn’t fathom what had possessed this strange looking deckhand to propose to her.

Before Admirals Janeway’s wrath about his insolence could hail down upon him, Chakotay had requested a removal to the Maquis division of the fleet and was out of the country. To nurse his broken heart, he had joined a mission to India, where he did some Maquis espionage work before switching back over to the regular fleet in Cochin to resume his Starfleet career.

“You look distracted, Chakotay...” Tom began while handing Chakotay a glass of punch. “Is something the matter?”

Chakotay cleared his throat before giving his friend a smile. “No, I’m fine.”

The dance had ended a while ago and Annika had taken off with her friend Naomi to chat. Chakotay remembered that he hadn’t told Tom yet of his engagement. Perhaps he ought to do so now.

“Oh... by the way, Tom.” He tugged his ear. “I meant to tell you .... I asked Annika to marry me!”

Tom suddenly dropped the ladle into the punch pot, splashing the red drink everywhere. He put his half-full glass on the now spoiled table next to him and looked at this friend with a serious expression.

“Annika?” He pulled up an eyebrow; then two. “Are you serious?”

Unsure of his friend’s reaction Chakotay shifted nervously from one leg to the other. He thought that Tom would be pleased. “Yes, I’m serious.”

Paris sighed heavily before rubbing his temple and turning his body towards his friend. “Of all the beautiful, clever women out there...” He gestured around the room. “You choose my annoying and cold-hearted sister Annika!? What’s wrong with you, Chakotay?”

The disapproval in Tom’s voice was apparent. It made Chakotay nervous and uncomfortable. This wasn’t at all what he had expected. The men stared at each other for a brief moment.

“And who would you have me marry then Tom, if not Annika?”

Tom seemed lost for words and he quickly scanned the room for a better alternative to make his point. Annika was a terrible choice in his eyes.

“What about that redhead over there?” He pointed towards Kathryn Janeway.

Chakotay gasped. “The school teacher?”

“Yes.”

“No.”

Paris quickly realized that maybe pointing at Janeway wasn’t the cleverest choice he could’ve made to carry his point across. Kathryn sure was a sight to behold, but her scandalous past would only damage Chakotay’s reputation severely.

“Well, you’re right, maybe not ... _her_...” He waved his hand through the air. “You wouldn’t want _that_ tainted woman to be married to you, but you get my point...”

Chakotay gave him a questioning look and Tom felt the need to elaborate.

“My point is, Chakotay, you can have pretty much any woman you want. Annika is nice and all but...” he trailed off as he was watching B’Elanna walk past his line of vision. Chakotay could see him growing distracted so he snapped a finger in front of Tom’s face to pull him out of his dreamy stare.

“Annika is missing passion. She’s got no real interest in anything; she has no fire. Her character is mediocre. Yeah, she can sing alright, but what else has she got that’s making your heart skip a beat?”

Chakotay knew he wanted to hear a satisfying answer, but unfortunately, he couldn’t give him one. He had never discovered anything remarkable or endearing about Annika either. As he remained silent Tom continued. “See... my point exactly. She’s got nothing. Maybe you shouldn’t get married unless you find someone worthwhile.”

Tom gave him another intensive stare before he returned to the punch bowl, filled his glass up, gave him a smack on the shoulder and trotted off in the same direction as B’Elanna. Perhaps Tom was right. Maybe getting married was a bad call... but he was 39 years old and he longed for a family of his own. He wasn’t getting any younger and he needed an heir for the estate. Before too long he would be considered a ‘grubby old man’ by the ladies in a childbearing age and he didn’t want to wait any longer for a love that never came.

He gulped his punch down in one go before setting the empty glass on the table. This really wasn’t the time to be contemplating melancholy thoughts. He had a ball to host and people to chat to. He pushed himself off the table corner, on which he had been resting, before plastering a friendly smile onto his lips. He started to mingle and chat with his guests, enjoying the evening; entirely unaware of the crystal blue eyes that were carefully watching him.

***

“Sooo.... Tom Paris, eh?”

Kathryn couldn’t help the teasing tone in her voice and the smile on her lips as she watched B’Elanna fumble with the bed linen. She had instantly noticed the attraction between her cousin and the young blonde man that only seemed to deepen as the evening went on.

B’Elanna snickered, which earned her a questioning look from Kathryn.

“Oh, do tell...” she began and B’Elanna dropped her pillow.

“There is nothing to tell, Kathy.”

Janeway pouted her lips and nodded, suppressing her grin. “Sure.”

“We only danced a few times, that’s all.”

Kathryn wasn’t sure whether she ought to believe her or not. Tom Paris was a right flirt and B’Elanna seemed to like him. She suspected that Lanna had at least considered giving him a small kiss or two on the balcony.

“What about you?” B’Elanna changed the subject and Kathryn looked up. Lanna threw the linen onto the bed and leaned against the wall. She crossed the arms in front of her body, studying Kathryn carefully. “Who is he?”

Kathryn’s hand glided over the bed one last time, removing the creases from the bedsheets before she asked, “Who’s who?”

As B’Elanna didn’t answer, Kathryn could feel tension creeping up her spine. She had only peeked at him sporadically, so she couldn’t possibly know that he had taken her fancy. Or could she? Silence stretched through the cottage and B’Elanna watched Kathryn nervously fiddle with the remaining linen, before she rearranged the flowers on the dinner table and brushed crumbs onto the floor.

“Spill it, Kathryn!”

The tone of her voice was intense, and it made Kathryn almost jump. She paused, put one hand on her hip while the other quickly massaged the bridge of her nose. B’Elanna wasn’t going to let this one go. She was like a shark who could sniff blood from miles away. Once she got the scent of it there was no turning back... and she definitely had the scent now.

Kathryn fidgeted with her pale blue dress, trying to decide how to approach the subject. It wasn’t like she had fallen head over heels in love with the man. She only... found him attractive, that was all.

When she finally found her voice, it was barely louder than a whisper. “Mis-... Mister Miller.”

“WHAT?” B’Elanna barked loudly and this time Kathryn really jumped. Lanna slammed her hands on the dinner table with such a force that even the flower vase skipped a little. “THAT RATBAG?”

Kathryn blinked and B’Elanna tried to steady her nerves. Impulsive outbursts were in her nature and it took all her willpower to keep herself from exploding. Miller had only talked to them once all night, but she had overheard a discussion between him and Tom where Miller clearly stated that Tom ought to stop flirting so publicly with _‘the exotic Cheshire cat’_ as it might draw out unwanted rumours. He had said _‘cats scratch and you definitely don’t want to be scratched by that one’_ which had earned him a sarcastic remark about Annika in return.

“You can not be serious, Kathryn.”

The cousins glared at each other for a whole minute in silence.

“He is a rude dirt bag, Kathy.”

She didn’t respond. B’Elanna drew breath to carry her point across when Kathryn anticipated her upcoming words and flung her hands defensively into the air.

“I know, B’E. I just...”, she began to stammer. She knew what he had said about Lanna yesterday as she instantly ran to her side to tell her. “He’s just a good-looking man, that’s all.”

A strange sound - half laugh, half grunt - escaped B’Elanna’s throat.

“Good looking!?”, she repeated. “Did you see this... _thing_ on his forehead?”

She frantically waved her hand left and right above her eyebrow. Chakotay’s facial tattoo was very odd and she could not see how anyone could find that monstrosity attractive.

“You know, it’s not the first time I’ve seen something like this”, Kathryn began, copying B’Elanna’s hand motion. She couldn’t pinpoint exactly when and where she had seen a face painting like this before, or if she had only dreamt it, but she was sure it was familiar to her in some form or another.

“It looks horrendous, Kathy.”

The serious expression on B’Elanna’s face made Kathryn suddenly laugh. Lanna didn’t really know why Kathryn was laughing, but she had such a contagious laugh that B’Elanna couldn’t help but join in. Once they calmed down, B’Elanna’s hand brushed lightly over Kathryn’s arm.

“Seriously though... don’t ever look at him again!”

Kathryn giggled. She knew she would never look at Miller seriously and even if she did, she knew nothing would ever become of it. He was rich _(and handsome)_ and well outside of her social standing. Kathryn was a fallen and broken woman. No man would ever look at her in any other way than to criticize and scrutinize her. Wherever she went her history always followed and she had no doubt that local rumour mill was already full with stories of her colorful past.

Even though Kathryn laughed all the way through her response, she meant it in earnest when she said: “I promise you, B’Elanna, I will never look at Mister Miller again.”


	3. Chapter 3

Her hands trembled as she tried to pull on the hem of her dress again. It just wouldn’t move. When she gave it another desperate yank, her feet lost grip on the slippery surface and she fell into the mud.

Her small carriage was trapped several inches deep in mud and as she tried to unclog the wheel, her dress got caught, locking her in place with the stuck carriage. The rain was coming down heavily and the road soaked up the water like a sponge; making it harder to stand on with every passing minute. Her rented horse was restless, but it didn’t have the power to pull the carriage out from where it had gotten stuck.

Kathryn sat in the mud. Her clothes were spoiled and she was soaked through to the skin. Her hands were trembling with the cold and she didn’t know how to free herself or the carriage. Fear and desperation shot through her system and she was surely but slowly losing her self-control.

She wasn’t someone to give up easily, but this little accident had brought her close to her breaking point. She was sure that any minute now she would bury her head in her dirt covered hands and burst out crying. The weather hadn’t looked so bad this morning when she set out to fetch school books and teaching supplies from Oxford. In fact, until about an hour ago her day was going really great... but then the rain had started and her rented vehicle got trapped on a narrow forest path, only a few miles from home.

Kathryn brushed a wet strand of hair out of her face, smearing dirt all over her temples while she contemplated her current predicament. If she didn’t manage to free herself soon, she would freeze to death or catch a lung infection that would surely kill her... if she hadn’t caught one already.

She looked down the path she came from when she suddenly glimpsed movement. Whatever moved on the path was drawing closer and a spark of hope shot through her. She climbed to her feet while steadying herself on the wagon.

“PLEASE!”, she shouted out to the moving shadow. “I NEED HELP!”

The rider and his horse slowed as they drew closer. He disembarked and guided his horse around the slippery mud bath in which she managed to get herself trapped in.

“I’m stuck”, she informed him as he circled her and tied his horse to a nearby tree. The rider walked up to her and it wasn’t until he was only a few feet from her that she recognized his face in the pouring rain.

“Mister Miller!”, she gasped and he pushed his hat upwards to look at her. She looked like she’d been to hell and back. She was covered in dirt from head to toe and she was soaked through to the bone. Her clothes clung tightly to her body, which left little to the imagination.

“Miss Janeway.” Chakotay’s tone was friendly but he didn’t waste time by humoring her with a friendly exchange of civilities. Ignoring her wild appearance, he said: “Would you please step away from the carriage and let me try?”

Kathryn tugged on her skirt. “I can’t. My dress is stuck too.”

Chakotay looked at her before he pulled his earlobe. “Would you mind...?”  
His hands moved to the hem of her dress and Kathryn withdrew her fingers. He slowly pulled on the material, checking on how stuck it really was. It wouldn’t move an inch and Chakotay knew he’d have to rip it to free her.

“Steady yourself,” he mumbled and before Kathryn could respond, he gave the dress one extremely forceful yank. It ripped all the way up to her hip, exposing Kathryn’s laced stockings and naked thigh. Whatever he had just done had also ripped her underskirt into pieces too. She shrieked and her hands instantly moved to cover herself.

“Now is not the time to be modest, Miss Janeway.”

The temperature had dropped so far that she could see his breath. It was coming out in short puffs and Kathryn swallowed. His face was only inches from hers as he turned his head upwards to look at her. He was even more handsome up close than he was from a distance.

“I will need to pull on it again,” he informed her in a monotone voice before looking back down. He repositioned his hands before giving it another forceful yank. Kathryn could’ve sworn that the ripping sound was so loud that it would be heard a mile away. As soon as she was free, she accidently tumbled backwards, slipped and fell. Chakotay had ripped a gigantic piece of textile out of her skirt; exposing one tantalizingly leg entirely and the other up to her knee.

Even though Kathryn wasn’t the same woman she had been fifteen years ago, she still liked to wear pretty clothes. She couldn’t afford beautiful dresses anymore, but she didn’t skimp when it came to her undergarments. They made her feel pretty and feminine – even if it was only for herself.

Chakotay’s eyes took her in and a wave of heat rushed into her cheeks, even though it was raining heavily, and she was sitting in dark brown mud. She was wearing the delicately laced undergarments of a seductress and he saw it. Not only did he see it, he was staring at it.

Kathryn’s horse whickered and both their head snapped up to face the distressed animal. While Chakotay set about to freeing the animal of the harness, Kathryn stumbled to her feet and tried to cover her legs with the remaining material of her dress; trying to salvage the tiny bit of dignity she had left.

“I assume you know how to ride a horse?” he asked as he walked the animal over to the side of the path to where his own horse was waiting.

“I do... but not without a saddle.”

Chakotay nodded. “You can take mine. I’ll take this one.”

Kathryn didn’t argue. She was freezing, in need of a hot cup of coffee and embarrassed to the core. Her teaching materials were still in the cart, but they were safely stored away in boxes so she would just have to fetch them later; hoping the rain hadn’t damaged them. She untied Miller’s horse and took hold of the reigns, before she gripped the saddle to hoist herself up. Chakotay’s horse was huge and Kathryn struggled in getting her feet off the ground.

She pressed her eyes shut and prayed to god that she would be able to get onto this damn horse without having to ask Miller for a hand. Her fingers were stiff from the cold and she didn’t seem to have enough strength in them to pull herself up. Before she could ask for his help, she felt two very hot and strong hands on her hips.

“You ready?” he breathed into her ear and a shiver ran down Kathryn’s back. She could feel his him moving against her back and she was sure that if she tried to move now, she would surely push her buttocks into his groin.

“Miss Janeway?”

Kathryn blinked. Her thoughts were doing backflips. “Yes.... Yes, I’m ready.”

With one swift motion Chakotay’s strong fingers buried themselves into her barely covered flesh, pushing her upwards and onto the saddle as if she were as light as a feather. Kathryn had never ridden a horse without a side-saddle before and she felt very uncomfortable by straddling his horse with wide spread legs. Especially now, where one of those legs was completely exposed. She was sure that he could also see the entire naked curve of her buttocks now.

Chakotay however, didn’t blink. As soon as Kathryn was up in the saddle, he walked away and hoisted himself onto the other horse. She didn’t know how he did it, especially without saddle, but he made it look like it took no effort at all.

“Please, Miss Janeway,” he gestured towards the path and Kathryn slowly set her horse into motion.

“What about my books?” she enquired as they passed the trapped carriage.

“I will send someone once the rain has eased to fetch your belongings,” he assured her and with that he gave his horse a kick and started to gallop towards home.

***

“Miller saved you?” It was the second time B’Elanna was asking the same question. She couldn’t quite believe it. “Miller?”

“Yes,” Kathryn reconfirmed, again. She cradled her hot cup of coffee while she rested her chin on her knees. She was wrapped in several blankets and sat on her bed, watching B’Elanna process the information.

“But he’s... a prick!?”

Kathryn rolled her eyes. “I told you. I was stuck and he came to my rescue. He was very gentlemanly and didn’t once make an inappropriate remark about my embarrassing state of undress.”

Kathryn may have left out the information about Miller actually being the reason for her state of undress, but B’Elanna didn’t need to know that. If she knew that the man almost undressed Kathryn, it would only fuel her dislike for him.

B’Elanna, who sat on the edge of Kathryn’s bed, still couldn’t quite believe it. She ought to really. After all, B’Elanna was at home when Miller escorted a shaking, half naked Kathryn Janeway through the front door.

She shook her head before she huffed, “I suppose I have to thank him next time I see him. I was worried sick for you.”

Kathryn smiled. “Thank you, B’Elanna.”

Lanna nodded before getting off the bed. “Get some sleep, Kathy. You’ll need all the rest you can get if you don’t want to get sick.”

Kathryn took the last sip of her coffee before placing the cup on her nightstand. She crawled underneath the heavy blanket, pushing the ones she had wrapped around her on top of her body. She could feel the exhaustion in her bones. Every inch of her hurt and she couldn’t wait to get a good night’s sleep.

She sighed as she rested her head against the fluffy pillow. Her eyes instantly fell shut and without warning her thoughts drifted to a very dashing, very wet Mister Miller. His strong hands were cradling her narrow hips, while he pushed himself into her backside. She could feel heat spreading throughout her body as his lips caressed her neck. Kathryn moaned as she imagined Chakotay’s mouth on hers. The sound escaping her own throat made her eyes snap open.

Good lord, how could she be dreaming of him in such a way? She barely knew the man!

She took a deep breath before she shifted herself into a different position.

“Don’t think of him, Kathryn!” she whispered to herself while her eyes fell shut again. “You promised B’E you wouldn’t....” She tried to concentrate on the soft and warm covers around her. “It’s not like you’ve never kissed a man before... so stop fantasizing.”

She had kissed Justin and Mark, so the sensation was nothing new to her. Maybe she would understand her romanticizing if she never would’ve been kissed – but she had. She had shared quite a few kisses with Justin actually.

Mark had more stolen a kiss than anything but she hadn’t minded, even though she should have. Back then he had been a married man with a sick wife at home so he should’ve never dared to make a move on her. For a brief moment she wondered how Mark was doing – she hadn’t seen him since his wife’s funeral a year ago.

Kathryn sighed. She really shouldn’t be thinking about men at all. She was too old for it; the desirable age and beauty for marriage had long passed. Maybe she ought to be thinking of her upcoming school projects. She still had a lot of work to do before the kids could perform their own written poetry at the harvest fest in a few weeks. But before Kathryn could think of all the necessary school preparations, she found herself again in the arms of a dark haired and tattooed man, kissing him passionately before sleep swept over her.

***

Chakotay was leaning against the mantlepiece while staring into the fire, nursing his glass of whiskey while replaying the events of the day.

“Well, if her past is any indication, I’m sure she will be all over you now, Chakotay!”

Tom gave his friend a jab in the ribs while walking past him towards the whiskey shelf. Chakotay looked up at Paris, unsure whether he was serious or not. Tom poured himself another glass before coming to rest next to his exhausting looking friend.

“Just make sure you don’t get her pregnant!”

Paris took a slow sip of his drink while watching Chakotay snort.

“I can assure you, Tom, I have no designs whatsoever on Kathryn Janeway. Honourable or not.”

Tom licked the rim of his glass. “Is that so?”

Chakotay pulled his eyebrows together quizzically. He still wasn’t sure if Tom was being serious here or not. The conversation felt light hearted, but somehow it was not. “What are you implying, Tom?”

The young man shrugged his shoulders.

“Oh, you know...” he swirled his drink around before staring at this friend’s obsidian eyes. “It just seems that since that redhead appeared, you’re behaving very strangely.”

Chakotay shifted. “I could say the same about you.”

“Fair play.” Tom took another sip of his drink. “However... B’Elanna isn’t a _tart_.”

Chakotay couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He tugged on his ear before resting his glass on the mantlepiece. “A _tart_?” he repeated.

Tom watched is friend closely. “Yes, a _tart_ , Chakotay.”

He was getting irritated and given Chakotay’s strange behaviour Tom wasn’t sure if his friend was even aware of the talk that surrounded the new school teacher.

“Surely you heard the rumours....”, the blonde man began as he slowly walked over to one of the two large sofas near the fireplace. He seated himself, one arm resting on the back of the seat while the other cradled the whiskey glass.

“They say she likes to keep the company of men at night for payment. That she even got pregnant from one of them and had it removed. They say that she’s in a large amount of debt. That she got engaged to a man purely for money and that she killed her fiancé when he wouldn’t pay up. They say that her fath-”

“Enough”, Chakotay snapped. Sometimes Tom could really make his blood boil. Chakotay might not be in love with Kathryn Janeway anymore, but hearing her slandered was more than he could bear.

Tom’s head shot up at his friend’s unexpected outburst and he wondered why he reacted so strangely to it. “If you have anything to share....” he began while leaning forward and pushing his elbows onto his knees. “...do tell.”

Chakotay paused before running his hand through his hair.

“Tom, do you remember the story I told you about the girl I used to be in love with once?”

Paris nodded. “The one who didn’t want you because you were one of her father’s low-life subordinates?”

It wasn’t exactly the way Chakotay would’ve expressed it, but... “Yeah, that one.”

Silence filled the room as Chakotay was looking for the words to continue.

“That...that woman....” He tugged his ear. “She...that... was Kathryn Janeway.”

Tom’s mouth fell wide open. Another long minute of silence stretched through the room. Tom’s brain tried to piece the puzzle together while Chakotay watched the cogs ins his friend’s brain turn. Paris had trouble understanding though, so he set his glass onto the ornamental table next to the sofa.

“So... let me get this straight,” he began as he got up and walked back over to Chakotay. “Kathryn Janeway was the daughter of your former commanding officer?”

“Yes. She was the daughter of Admiral Edward Janeway. He was a very rich and influential man and Kathryn was meant to marry a guy named Justin Tighe. Sleazy character, but popular with the ladies and the admiralty.”

“Then what happened?”

Chakotay shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. After Kathryn refused me, I left England. I’ve never heard of her again until she suddenly stood in front of me the other day.”

“So the rumours of her _‘fall from grace’_ are true as well as the ex-fiancé,” he summed up and Chakotay nodded.

“Seems that way, yes.”

“Sooo... is Tighe dead?”

Chakotay could feel a headache coming on and he rubbed his temples. “I don’t know.”

Tom’s eyes sparkled and Chakotay knew he wasn’t going to like whatever was coming next. Tom had a talent for coming up with weird ideas that ended mostly in trouble.

“Why don’t we find out?” he suggested as a devilish grin spread across his face.

“How?”

“I could ask B’Elanna...”

“NO-“ Chakotay dropped his hand. “No, do not ask Miss Torres. She seems like the kind of woman who would turn you into beef tartare if you asked the wrong kind of question.”

Paris contemplated his statement and had to admit to himself that Miller was probably right. Lanna did have a fiery temper and she was overly protective of her cousin, from what he could tell so far.

“OH” Tom snapped his fingers. “I could ask my father. He still has many good contacts within the higher ranks of Starfleet. I’m sure he could find out something. If her father was an Admiral in the olden days then I’m sure there is someone who knows something.”

Chakotay considered Tom’s idea. He too had some pretty good connections within the fleet, but going through Paris might not be such a bad idea. The admiral had access to classified information that Chakotay could never get his hands on.

“Fine,” he agreed and Tom triumphally pulled his hands downwards while he hissed ‘Yesss’ as if he just won something.

“I will write to him tomorrow.” He grinned. “You won’t regret this!”

Chakotay felt like he already did though.

He had spent years trying his utmost to forget Kathryn Janeway and yet here he was, standing in the middle of his drawing room with a whiskey glass in hand and his best friend next to him; heading out onto a wild goose chase to debunk horrible rumours about the woman’s past.

He gulped down the rest of his drink.

Why did he even do this? It’s not like he was in love with her anymore. Kathryn was history. Annika was his future. And nothing what they might uncover would ever change that.


	4. Chapter 4

The next few days passed quietly and Chakotay had managed to push Kathryn out of his thoughts reasonably well until Sekaya stormed into his study. He was in the middle of calculating the earnings from the season’s first crop sale when she slammed a bunch of old fabrics onto his desk.

“Good morning to you too,” he huffed while putting his quilt down and lifting his head to look at her. “You do see that I’m in the middle of business, right?”

Sekaya resigned: “I don’t have time for this, Chakotay!”

Confused he raised an eyebrow.

“I have a lunch arrangement with Lady Picard at noon in Oxford...” Her fingers started playing with the edged of the fabric before she continued. “I promised Kathryn to help her and the kids in making a background tapestry for the harvest fest today, but I don’t have time for it.”

“So?” He leaned back in his chair. “What do _I_ have to do with this?”

“Nothing. I was just hoping you could drop these off at the school later...”

Chakotay snorted. “And then what? Do the sewing instead of you? – I don’t think so.”

Sekaya put her hand on her hip while tapping the fabrics with her other hand. She needed to get ready for luncheon. “Just do me this favour – just bring them to the school, alright?”

Chakotay didn’t have much choice in the matter because before he could voice his refusal, Sekaya rounded the table and kissed him on the cheek. “Thanks, you’re the best!”

Sekaya was already half way to the door before he even realized what was happening.

“I didn’t agree... ,” he shouted after her, but his only respond was the sound of the door falling shut behind her. He took a heavy breath before eyeing the pile of cloth on his desk. She could’ve asked a servant really.

He picked up his quilt again and stared back in his books, but before too long his eyes drifted back to the stack of fabric. Perhaps some fresh air would do him good, he had been engrossed in these calculations for hours now anyway...

***

The school was in turmoil. Chakotay figured he must have come at break time because the kids were running around outside, fighting each other with sticks and skipping rope. He watched them for a little while before he smiled to himself and walked up to the small cottage doors. The school itself was a small old, white building with just one large classroom for all the kids. Above it was a converted attic apartment for the teacher to live in.

Chakotay was about to knock on the opened wooden door when he spied Kathryn leaning down to a small child in front of the blackboard. He stopped himself and peered silently around the corner, watching the scene. The boy seemed to be in distress and Kathryn was trying to calm the crying child by cradling him in her arms while stroking over his back. It was hard to hear what she was saying to the child as the kids outside where very noisy, so Chakotay silently walked into the classroom. Neither Kathryn nor the child noticed his presence.

The young boy was sobbing and Kathryn brushed over his small head before wiping tears off his face.  
“Hey, it’s alright,” she whispered while her thumb wiped away another tear. Slowly she turned round to grab a small box that was resting on her teacher’s desk. The child watched her, sobbing silently before he rubbed his eyes and peered into the box when she opened it. Kathryn smiled before she caressed the child again.

“You see... ,” she began and reached into the box. “I have a bread with jam you can have... and an apple... and...” She pulled out a small piece of what looked like cake. “...and a slice of Victoria Sponge... Would you like this?”

The boy nodded and Kathryn grinned at him lovingly. She placed the lid back onto the wooden box before handing it over to the child, who quietly stammered: “Thank you, Miss Janeway!”

Kathryn brushed the remaining tears out of his face. “It’s alright. Now go, have your lunch and play with the others, okay?”

The boy nodded before turning round and leaving the room. Her eyes followed his small figure and only when she got up from her crouched position and scanned the room, she noticed Chakotay standing in the corner watching her.

He gave her a small smile before walking up to her. “Trouble in paradise?”

Kathryn brushed over her skirt before one hand rested on her hip and one above her abdomen. “Yes, unfortunately his parents couldn’t afford to pack him any lunch.”

She turned and walked around her desk.

“So, you gave him yours?” inquired Chakotay, surprised and Kathryn gave him a lopsided grin.

“I wasn’t hungry, so it was of little consequence.”

For a moment he gaped at her. Her loving interaction with the child had been quite endearing, but he hadn’t expected her to be this kind-natured, especially because of her own poor situation.

“Anything I can help you with, Mister Miller?” She tilted her head before nudging it slight forward to point at the fabrics he was holding. Chakotay stepped forward and dropped them onto her desk.

“Yes, Sekaya asked me to bring these to you... and I ought to apologize for her not showing up today to help you and the children; she had an urgent matter to attend to in town.”

“So, she sent you instead?”

“Yes.”

Kathryn licked her lips before her eyes started to sparkle deviously; then a laugh escaped her lips. “Well, Mister Miller, I hope you know how to hold a needle!?”

Chakotay shifted from one foot to the other, unsure if she was jesting or not. “I beg your pardon?”

“We are sowing a tapestry of the big oak tree in front of your manor... ,” she began while leaning over and taking the fabrics into her hands. She watched him through her lashes as he corrected his posture and put his hands behind his back. In a playful and very soft voice she added: “I was hoping for some help... you know...”

Chakotay swallowed before he tugged on his ear. Her ocean blue eyes sparked and for a brief moment he had to remind himself to breath. She looked radiant and her flirty voice gave him goose bumps. She had half her hair pinned back, while the rest cascaded down her neck and a few loose strands framed her delicate face. The pale-yellow skirt and her white blouse complimented her features and Chakotay had to admit to himself, that she looked absolutely magnificent. As he didn’t say anything, she quickly closed her eyes, nodded and took her gaze briefly off him.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be joking with you. I know you’re a busy man, Mister Miller.”

“I am?”

Chakotay blinked, surprised by his own uncertainty. He knew it sounded more like a question than the statement he had intended. His dimples appeared when he realized the absurdity of it. She was flirting with him and he totally fell for it. One bewitching smile and a flicker of playfulness in her eyes and he was stumbling over his own two feet…again. His internal voice told him to get a grip.

“Well...I better get going...”

Kathryn, who was watching him intensely, deepened her smile before she nodded. “Good day, Mister Miller.”

“Good day, Miss Janeway.”

He left immediately, worried by his reaction towards her. His heart was beating a little faster than usual and his hands felt clammy – that couldn’t be a good sign. Perhaps he wasn’t quite as impartial to her as he might have thought.

***

“Would you care to dance, Miss Janeway?”

Kathryn, who had been toying with the lace of her dress, looked up to see a broadly grinning Doctor. He was dressed in an elegant dark green suit; eagerly holding out his arm to her to take it.

“Of course, Doctor!” she replied and took hold of his arm. “It’s always a pleasure to spend some time with you.”

She knew the Doctor liked to be charmed and his glowing response told her she had said exactly the right thing to please him. He was a very kind, yet sometimes little arrogant man, who took great pleasure in social interactions. He was extremely knowledgeable and Kathryn genuinely liked his company. He always had something to say of either great wit or intelligence. The evening so far had been rather dull, so Kathryn reveled in the Doctor singling her out for company.

The ball was hosted by the Paris’s and it was a far more elegant affair than the Miller’s ball a few weeks back. Even though Kathryn had been accustomed to evenings like this, she now felt severely out of place. Yes, she remembered the etiquette well enough, but it had been years since she was present at such a sophisticated event that she felt rather uneasy now.

Her clothes were not nearly as fine as expected at such parties and some of the discussed topics were beyond her comparison. She would’ve much rather stayed at home with a good book, but B’Elanna insisted on coming tonight. Undoubtedly due to a handsome Tom Paris who showed at their doorstep two days ago to deliver their invitation personally. Kathryn suspected that Tom had taken quite a fancy to B’Elanna because under ordinary circumstances they would’ve never been invited to such splendor.

The dance with the Doctor passed much quicker than Kathryn had liked and before too long she was back to standing on the sideline alone, observing the business around her. B’Elanna was engrossed in conversation with Tom and whatever he was saying, she seemed to enjoy it. She was positively beaming at him. The rumours about Kathryn’s past prevented many of the fine guests from interacting with her so Janeway was left to her own company for more time than she liked.

Kathryn, who didn’t know what else to do by herself, was eyeing the buffet table before picking out a few bits and bobs and placing them on a small plate.

“The venison is excellent!”

She jumped at the unexpected voice, but when she turned, she spotted Miller grabbing a plate.

“I’m sorry?” She hadn’t quite caught his words as she was thinking about the food when he had startled her. Miller pointed at the finely cut meat in front of him.

“I said the veni-,” he stopped himself, before he gave her a dimpled smile. “Sorry, you don’t like venison.”

Kathryn was momentarily confused by his remark. She really didn’t like venison, but how would he know? Had he been watching her when she had eyed the meat in disgust?

“No, indeed, I much rather have something sweet,” she countered as she watched him pick up a few pieces of food himself.

“So I see.” He gestured at her plate, which was almost entirely filled with sweet pies and biscuits.

Kathryn turned and took a few bites of a tart while watching the other guests. Miller topped his plate before coming to rest next to her and consuming his own food.

“So, any new gossip going round?”

She turned in surprise, only to observe him chewing his sandwich and watching the dancing. He was standing much closer to her than she expected and she was sure that if she leaned back an inch or two her shoulder would be brushing his chest. Chakotay took another bite before giving her a questioning look and Kathryn’s mouth twitched into a smile.

“No, nothing yet!”

“Hm...” He continued chewing and refocused his gaze on the dancing. Kathryn couldn’t decipher if he was just trying to make friendly conversation because he was bored or because he genuinely enjoyed her company. The easiness of his chatter and the familiarity between them almost made Kathryn blush. It didn’t feel at all as if he was a mere acquaintance. No, rather the opposite. His presence almost felt intimate.

They stood next to each other for a while, eating in silence before Kathryn felt the need for conversation.

“Do you dance, Mister Miller?”

Chakotay looked at her. “Sometimes.”

Kathryn nodded and they fell back into silence. She had expected a little more conversation than that. Her disappointed sigh didn’t go unnoticed by Chakotay though. He put his plate down and he held out a hand to her.

“If you are not otherwise engaged, Miss Janeway, how about I show you my marvelous skills on the dance floor?”

Kathryn chuckled before she agreed. “Very well.”

Chakotay grinned as he took her hand and led her onto the floor. He had never danced with her before and her eagerness to do so surprised him; it pleased him. He wasn’t fond of dancing a reel, but Kathryn began to glow the minute the music started, and he could already tell she enjoyed it. Warmth spread through his stomach as he watched her parade up and down, holding her hand out to him, simply enjoying his company. The pair was just sliding through the corridor of dancers as the music came to an end. Kathryn was smiling from one ear to the other as she rested both of her hands on Chakotay chest while trying to catch her breath.

It wasn’t a large gesture nor one that she was aware of but Chakotay’s heart skipped a beat. Almost instinctively his arm circled her hips and came to rest on the small of her back.

“Well, that was fun!” she giggled before staring up at him. Her cheeks were flushed and Chakotay, equally out of breath, couldn’t hold back the massive joy he felt.

“I must confess I’m quite surprised by your lightness of foot,” he began, dimples on full display, and Kathryn gave him a playful nudge on the chest. Only then did they realize how intimately close they actually were to one another. He was looking down at her fragile frame in his arms, while she was gazing up into his obsidian eyes. Both their breaths hitched before Kathryn hands slid off his chest and Chakotay let go of her back. She inched backwards a little and Chakotay tugged on his ear; trying to find the right words to make this less awkward.

“Thank you... for the dance... Mister Miller.”

Chakotay only nodded before he watched her slowly retreat. Everything in his body ached to run after her and to pull her back into his arms, but his mind told him not to move any further in her direction. She was dangerous. He had to stay off the slippery path that lead him back onto his knees in front of her; at least until he knew the truth about her past. He didn’t even realize that he had completely forgotten about his standing engagement with Annika. If everything that was said about Kathryn turned out to be false... perhaps then he would be more inclined to pursue her further.

Little did he know that he had already started to gravitate back towards her and that nothing, no matter how terrible it all was, could be done save his heart.


	5. Chapter 5

Kathryn, who was still concentrating on talking to Kes, jumped in surprise as Chakotay suddenly pushed the door to the general goods store open. She didn’t see him coming which caused her to drop a few of the items in her hands. The candlesticks she had just purchased broke in half and a metal can was rolling across the floor.

“Dear god, I’m so sorry!”

Before she even realized what was happening, Chakotay was down on his knees picking up her dropped items.

“I will of course replace the damaged pieces,” he instantly offered as he slowly rose to his feet with her stuff in his hands. Kathryn was still staring at him flabbergasted when he handed her some of her items back.

“Are you alright?”

Kathryn let out a relieved breath, while she half laughed. “Yes, I’m sorry... ” she said, shaking her head to calm her wildly jumping heart. “You just gave me a good scare, that’s all.”

Dimples appeared on his face as he deliberately inched closer. “It wasn’t my intention. Forgive me?” His voice was soft, mellow and quite tantalizing. Kathryn pulse started to speed up and for a brief second, she thought that she’d probably forgive this man anything.

Despite her promise to B’Elanna that she wouldn’t think about him, she couldn’t get this man out of her head. The more she saw of him, the more he manifested himself in her thoughts. She had spent the last few nights dreaming about being in his arms; reveling in the memory of him holding her close at the ball.

“There is nothing to forgive. You couldn’t have known I was there.”

He licked his lips before tilting his head. “Still, I am sorry I shocked you. I will replace your damaged goods immediately and carry these home for you, if you will permit me.”

Kathryn knew deep down him escorting her home was a bad idea, but despite her better judgement, she agreed. “Certainly.”

Chakotay quickly exchanged her shopping and grabbed the item he had come for, before getting the shopkeeper to package her stuff into a small box. Once he was done, he opened the door for her while offering her his arm.

“Shall we?”

Kathryn gladly took it and together the descended the steps of the store. They walked in silence for a little while, enjoying each other’s company; neither too sure what to talk about.

“What a lovely day,” she began at long last. “I wonder how many of them we will still have now that autumn is almost here.”

Chakotay was only too happy to engage in chitchat. Talking about the weather was always a good choice of topic.

“There should be still a few. From what I’ve observed in my time here in Dorvan the cold winter winds hold off for pretty long. We should still be in for a nice season.”

“You didn’t grow up here?” She was stunned; she thought he was born here. The familiarity he had with the local residents had suggested this to be his childhood home. Chakotay shook his head, causing Kathryn’s interested to rise. “How long have you been here, then?”

“I purchased the manor roughly five years ago.”

“Oh.”

“Yes.” He smiled; observing her every movement while she clung onto his arm.

“So, what did you do before then? Before settling here, I mean.”

“I was at sea.” He could see her interest spike.

“You’re a sailor?”

His lips twitched upwards and dimples reappeared. “Not just a sailor; I’m a naval Captain.”

“Oh.”

They stopped walking and Chakotay could see the question coming before she even voiced it. He wasn’t going to tell her their story though. He had no intention on revisiting their shared past and subjecting himself to memories of his humiliation.

“So, you might have known my father then. Admiral Edward Janeway!”

The hopeful look in her eyes made him sway. The more he looked at her, the harder he found it to pull himself out of the web she spun. He couldn’t bring himself to tell her about her refusal of him though, so perhaps a neutral middle ground would suffice.

“Yes, I met him... once or twice... Nice man.”

Kathryn looked very happy about his admission. He knew how fond she was of him.

“Yes. Yes, he was!” Her demeanour changed somewhat. He knew her father had died not long after he had left England, but Kathryn didn’t know he knew. Perhaps she herself would tell him some of the things that had happened in the last fifteen years, so he decided to play along.

“Was?”

“Yes, _was_. He died a very long time ago now.” She intended to hide the sadness from her voice, but Kathryn still struggled with her father’s passing. The turmoil and horror that came with his untimely death never gave her much time to grieve him properly so it was still a very touchy subject for her.

“Oh, I’m very sorry to hear it,” he offered and Kathryn nodded her thanks. “May I ask what happened?”

“He died in the Trafalgar action.”

Her answer was brief and Chakotay could tell she was reluctant to indulge in the subject any further. Still, he tried. “How did you manage? It must have been a great loss to your family.”

She contemplated her answer before she waved her hand dismissively through the air. “Oh, like any family does, really. We mourned for some time and moved on, eventually.”

Chakotay nodded. Obviously, she wasn’t going to tell him anything, so he let the topic slide. He didn’t want to upset Kathryn any further. He could sense that his inquiry had already unsettled her a little. Her before so cheery facial expression had somewhat faded. Whatever happened must have been very hard for her.

They continued their short walk without the exchange of further words.

“Do you like flowers?” he suddenly asked as he spotted a few colorful plants. He was desperately trying to find a subject to indulge her in for a little while longer as he didn’t want her to leave his side so soon. As the school building drew closer, he found himself more and more reluctant to let her go. He knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t help wanting to spend every possible minute of his time with her.

Kathryn smiled broadly. “Yes, I love them. Especially roses.”

An idea suddenly popped into Chakotay’s head. “Well, perhaps we should extend our walk then... I have an exquisite rose garden on the manor grounds.”

She looked up in surprise; pleased by his suggestion. “I don’t wish to keep you...” she offered him a window to escape, but Chakotay had no intention of using it.

“I have no fixed planes”, he countered. “I would be honored to show you.”

“Very well.” She beamed before untangling herself from his arm. She took the small package from his hand before pointing towards the school. “Let me just quickly drop this off inside...”

Chakotay watched her as she disappeared into the cottage with her shopping. He tugged his ear while he smiled to himself. He knew that if anybody saw him, they’d think something was seriously wrong with him by the way he grinned stupidly, but he couldn’t help it. Kathryn was responsive to his attentions; no – in fact, she seemed not just responsive but actually delighted in them.

Chakotay, even though he knew he should be wiser, couldn’t help but feel a fluttering in his stomach and the happy expression on his face. Kathryn seemed to like him, and he hoped that if he played his cards right, she might actually fall for him this time. He knew that if she did, he would without hesitation break off his engagement with Annika.

As Kathryn returned, he offered her his arm again. She gladly took it and together they walked towards the rose garden. He pointed out all the little highlights along the way and she seemed pleased with every word that left his lips. She smiled brightly throughout their entire walk and Chakotay knew that he was falling for her all over again. But this time, this time was different. This time there was actually _hope_ for him.

The sheer joy and adrenaline that ran through his body completely made him forget about the potentially dark and shameful history that Kathryn could be hiding. At least until he was back at the manor later that same day and he opened a letter from Admiral Paris, that was.


	6. Chapter 6

His fingers trembled and for a brief moment he thought the paper would slip out of his hand and onto the floor. He brushed his fingers across his forehead before sitting down on one of the sofas in the drawing room; re-reading the inked words. He closed his eyes, swallowed and re-read the letter again; only to get up to grab himself a glass of Whiskey to re-reading the letter once more.

It was true.

All of it.

The dead fiancé. The debt. The baby.

After Chakotay had drowned his third glass of whiskey he rubbed his hands across his face before leaning against the mantelpiece; hiding his face in both of his hands.

The baby.

The worst part of it all.

Not only had Kathryn indulged in out-of-wedlock intimacy – which in itself was scandalous enough - but she had also managed to get herself pregnant while doing so. But instead of facing her disgraceful actions; giving birth the child and then handing it over to an orphanage she had chosen an even more questionable and illegal action – she had had it removed. She had visited a back-alley surgeon in Birmingham who had cut it out.

The official story was, of course, that she had lost the child in a natural way, but Paris’s informants suggest otherwise. Everybody knew that doctors like that existed and that the procedure was extremely dangerous, killing most of the time not only the unwanted child but the mother as well. According to Paris’s letter, Kathryn had been in severe distress once she had found out about her condition. The informants have no notion of how she managed to find or even finance such dubious surgery though. The Navy only knows that she re-emerged a few weeks after a trip to Birmingham in a fairly healthy, non-pregnant condition.

Chakotay felt sick.

He had held Kathryn in the highest regards; admiring her for her strength and resourcefulness to overcome the hardships that had befallen her. He had even been impressed by her making a living as a teacher after her wealthy lifestyle had slipped away. He had thought so damn highly of her that he felt like someone just cut out a piece of his chest. He felt betrayed. Deceived.

Was he really such a fool? How could he have misjudged her character so gravely? Had he been clinging onto the memory of a woman so desperately that he had failed to see and recognize the truth in front of him?

He groaned before he drowned another glass of whiskey. He could feel a headache coming on and the knot in his stomach wasn’t getting better either. The more he thought about what a stupid fool he had been the worse his sickness it got. Granted, it had also something to do with the excessive amount of alcohol he had consumed in the last hour, but he didn’t feel like couldn’t face the truth otherwise.

Everything he had believed Kathryn Janeway to be was a lie. His wishful thinking, his optimism and his heart had painted the image of a woman that never existed. Perhaps it had existed - a long time ago, but whatever Kathryn Janeway was back then, she was far from it now. And he was fool enough to fall for her all over again.

He didn’t know how many glasses he drank that night; he only knew that his vision was more than just blurry when he climbed up the stairs to his bedroom. He had no recollection of how exactly he made it into bed after going up the stairs. Perhaps Sekaya dragged him, perhaps one of the servants did. He didn’t know nor care. He only knew that his last thought was, that he never wished to see Kathryn Janeway ever again.

***

“I saw you walking with Chakotay today.”

B’Elanna scraped the last of the stew out of the pot while watching Kathryn carefully. She had promised her to stay away from the guy, yet she saw her take a leisurely stroll with him.

“Who?”

Kathryn looked confused.

“Chakotay. I saw you walking him earlier.” B’Elanna was getting agitated. She hated that guy and couldn’t believe that Kathryn had broken her word.

Janeway blinked. “Who is Chakotay?”

B’Elanna slammed the pot onto the table. She was in no mood to play games today. She had a disagreement with Tom before and Kathryn’s ignorance was grinding on her already very thin nerves.

“Chakotay,” she repeated; her voice growing louder. “Miller. Captain Miller!”

Kathryn ignored Lanna’s rising temper and leaned forward onto the table. “His first name is Chakotay!?”

B’Elanna huffed. She couldn’t believe it. Her cousin, her so very smart and clever cousin, didn’t even know the first name of the man she had been dreaming about for weeks. She was friends with his sister too. But then again, B’Elanna never heard Sekaya refer to him as anything other than ‘my brother’. If she wouldn’t dislike the guy so much and if her mood wouldn’t be so foul, she would’ve probably been laughing now.

“Yes. Yes, his first name is Chakotay.”

Kathryn frowned while she subconsciously picked up her spoon and started dabbing it into the stew. Kathryn tilted her head as if she thought of something odd.

“What?” B’Elanna could see her cousin’s mind was wondering off into the distance and she doubted it had anything to do with Miller. “What is it?”

She snapped back to reality before she smiled; filling her spoon with food. “Oh, nothing, I just thought how strange it was to meet someone with that unusual name twice!”

She took a mouthful of stew and B’Elanna raised an eyebrow. She could sense there was a story there. Kathryn didn’t fail to pick up her interest in the subject. She also knew that it would cheer her up a little so before Lanna could say anything she continued, “Oh, it was just a guy who worked for my father once...”

She chewed on a piece of bread before she elaborated any further. “He proposed to me.”

“I’m surprised you even remember a particular guy...” B’Elanna’s mood lifted and she half laughed as she continued, “...by the amount of men that proposed to you back then.”

Kathryn giggled as B’Elanna did have a point. She did indeed have many admirers when her father was still alive.

“I remember Chakotay because he was cute…” Kathryn began while shrugging her shoulders, which made B’Elanna grin cheekily. “He was very loyal to my father and assisted him with the paperwork my father had to do. I do have to admit; he did have a gorgeous smile that could’ve gotten my heart to flutter… but I was so smitten with Justin that I barely noticed the guy.”

Yes, she had been very smitten with Justin. Thinking back, she really wondered why. Sure, Justin had been a very handsome man and wherever he went, he had never been short of female admirers. He only ever had had eyes for her though. Maybe it was because she felt so extremely flattered by his attentions? She knew now that it certainly wasn’t his real character that had drawn her in. As it turned out Justin had been a rotten piece of fruit who had been good in deceiving people. He had only ever been after her family’s reputation and her fathers presumed fortune. As soon as her father had died, and the families despair became apparent Justin had broken off the engagement and had quickly found himself a new young and wealthy bride within the ranks of the fleet admiralty.

“So, what happened with that guy?”

“Oh, nothing…” Kathryn waved a hand through the air. “He proposed to me and I refused. I felt sorry for him, really. He caught me on a terrible day and when he waltzed through the door with a bunch of flowers in one hand and a ring in the other - I lost it.”

“You lost it?” B’Elanna couldn’t quite believe it. Kathryn wasn’t someone who easily lost her temper.

“Yes. He didn’t deserve it, but I was so furious with my father and that poor guy just came at the wrong time…“

She raised a hand to her cheeks as if to check whether or not they’d turn hot in embarrassment. She couldn’t think back to the incident without feeling some discomfort. She had been hugely unfair to that poor man. Kathryn took a deep breath before she waved her hand through the air again. She still felt ashamed of her poor conduct, even though it had been so many years since. “Let’s just say, he fled the house post-haste.”

B’Elanna laughed and pulled up an eyebrow mockingly. “And I thought you remembered him because he was good looking.”

Kathryn couldn’t hide her grin; the food before her quite forgotten now. “Oh, he was… he was very good looking.”

The curious glint in B’Elannas eye encouraged Kathryn to go on.

“Well, he was very tall… and had this beautiful tanned skin…”, she remembered. She unconsciously lifted her hand to her eyebrow as if she were to trace the outline of Chakotay’s tattoo.

“And-”

Kathryn mouth fell wide open in shock. The tattoo! The name! The navy! Slowly but surely color drained from Kathryn’s face as the puzzle pieces fell into place.

“...and...?” B’Elanna then shifted in her seat. She could see her cousin’s sudden loss of composure. “Kathryn? What’s wrong?”

Janeway blinked a few times before her hand came up to her forehead to rub it while the other dropped the spoon. “I…”

She couldn’t breathe. She felt dizzy. This… _this_ couldn’t be right. It couldn’t be him. No way could that be him.

B’Elanna nervously searched her eyes and it took Kathryn a few moments to regain herself.

“Miller,” she breathed. It was hardly audible but B’Elanna could still pick it up. Confusion spread across her features, but she didn’t say anything. Instead, she watched Kathryn struggle with her nerves. She knew she’d explain.

“Miller”, Kathryn began again; her hand half covering her mouth in disbelieve.

Oh god, it all made sense now. The familiarity she’d felt around him this whole time was because she knew him. Worse, she didn’t just know him - she had refused him; in an appalling manner none the less. And he remembered it. The strange remark about her disliking venison hadn’t been an educated guess on his side – no; he had known it because he had remembered it.

“What do you mean ‘Miller’?”

B’Elanna however, didn’t require a response from Kathryn. She was extremely quick and observant and it took her no time at all to figure out what Kathryn so inarticulately tried to tell her. She gasped. “Do you mean to say, that the Chakotay from your past is the same as the Chakotay from the present?”

Janeway nodded before she buried her face in her hands. God, if the ground could indeed swallow someone whole… now would be a very good time for it.


	7. Chapter 7

Over the course of the next couple weeks Kathryn saw Chakotay only rarely. On their walk, he had promised to visit her some time at the school, but he never did. When she crossed paths with him in the marketplace, he barely gave her a sign of acknowledgement and Kathryn began to wonder, what she had done to make their acquaintance suddenly so awkward.

She knew he knew, but that hadn’t stopped him from dancing with her or taking her on a walk, so she doubted that their past disagreement was the cause of this sudden shift of attention. He had seemed quite happy when she spoke to him last, indicating in small, subtle ways that he was actually interested in her more than just a friend. Or at least, thats what Kathryn had believed. Maybe it had been wishful thinking on her part and only now after a few days of distance she realized how smitten she actually was with the man.

She had never intended to call him out on it, but when the opportunity presented itself, she couldn’t help herself. She had a too curious nature to leave the subject be and to carry on with her life. She needed to know what she had done to make him withdraw his attentions – or if there had been any at all. His distancing pained her badly, her nights were restless and she didn’t want to delude herself any further. She needed to know.

Miller was helping some men with the decoration of the rapidly approaching harvest fest when she took the opportunity to pull him aside for a little tête-à-tête.

“Excuse me, Mister Miller. Do you perhaps have a minute?”

Chakotay looked up from the heavy hay-cube he was carrying. He had a few pearls of sweat dripping down his face and was far from pleased when she approached him. He dropped the bundle of hay before putting his hands on his hips.

“Yes, Miss Janeway?”

Kathryn could tell he wasn’t in the best of moods, but she couldn’t avoid not-knowing any longer.

“I... if you have a minute... I would like to speak to you in private, please!”

She gestured towards the left end of the barn and Chakotay reluctantly followed her around the building. They were in the middle of getting everything ready for the fest and large barn was brimming with helping hands.

Kathryn had her hands clasp together in front of her while she turned round to face him; kneading her fingers.

“Yes?” he snapped.

She wasn’t sure exactly on how to approach the subject diligently, so she decided to dive right in. His mood probably wasn’t going to change if she used a better phrasing or a more charming method.

“Did I do something to upset you?”

Chakotay blinked. This wasn’t the sort of question he expected. “What?”

She drew a sharp breath. “I just wondered if I managed to upset you somehow...” she began, but she could clearly see he didn’t quite follow. “I just... you... you seem to be ... different.”

He frowned. “Different? How?”

She bit her lower lip before she continued: “Well, you’re less ... cordial ... towards me.”

He snickered sarcastically. She wasn’t going where he thought she was, was she?

“Excuse me, Miss Janeway, but exactly how _cordial_ do you expect me to be towards you?”

Kathryn’s lips twitched at the mean tone in his voice.

“Did I somehow give you the impression that I had any intentions towards you?”

_Yes._

“That’s... that’s not... not what-“ she began to stutter.

Chakotay took a step forward and glared down at her. Kathryn suddenly felt like the earth beneath her was shaking.

“Well, I’m sorry, Miss Janeway if I have,” he began; his voice cold and stern. “...because believe me when I say this: I have no intentions regarding you whatsoever!”

Kathryn swallowed. The eyes that had looked at her so adoringly in the rose garden had turned hard and unfriendly. The voice that was so soft and gentle and tried so hard to coax laughs out of her had turned sour and unfriendly. He wasn’t the same man that she had spent time with only a couple of weeks prior.

Despite her better judgement Kathryn couldn’t bite her tongue and she surprised even herself when she straightened her back and spat back at him: “Well, you did. Once!”

Chakotay’s mouth briefly fell open before he shut it again. So, she did remember him after all. What a kick she must have gotten out of it by toying with him again. Flattering his attentions by feeding his ego with lopsided smiles, teasing words and flirty looks. He took a step closer to her; increasing his dominant presence in her view. “Yes, yes I did. Fifteen years ago. And a damned fool I was.”

Kathryn gaped like a fish before she finally barked, “Excuse me?”

“What was it you called me?” He was getting angry. “Your fathers’ lapdog?”

Stunned she started at him; her eyes as wide as they could be.

“I wasn’t good enough for you back then. I was _beneath_ you which is why you didn’t even look at me. But now...” He was pointing index finger forcefully towards the ground; underlining his meaning of the here and now. “Now the tables are turned. And you can’t bear it that the man who you once let slipped through your fingers is well above you and out of your reach.”

Kathryn’s airways felt blocked; almost if someone was choking her.

“Did you think you could reel me back in and snatch me up? Hm? Restore your status and wealth?” He paused. “Is that what you’re after? The money and the good image you’ve lost?”

Kathryn swallowed. “I... I ... I didn’t-“

“What?” he snored. “You didn’t think I knew about your tainted past? About the debt, about Tighe leaving you, about your loss of virtue? ... About your pregnancy!?”

She blinked frantically and her lips started to quiver.

“Did you really think I was stupid enough to consider a woman of such ... _scandalous magnitude_ as my future wife?”

He searched her face, but Kathryn was truly lost for words. She usually wasn’t someone who was taken aback by a few harsh words but Chakotay’s boiling anger had knocked her off her feet. Gone was the self-confident, strong woman who had faced and conquered all those problems and left in her place a weak creature, who couldn’t bear the resentment of the man she loved. Tears were forming in her eyes and Kathryn struggled to keep them at bay. Yes, she had suspected him to have heard the rumours, but she had hoped...

“Did you think that I would throw myself at the feet of _such_ a woman? Because I had a fancy for her a decade ago?”

Her fingers trembled as she grasped a small piece of skirt fabric in order to calm herself down. Luckily for Kathryn a young man named Harry Kim rounded the corner who unknowingly saved her from further embarrassment and shame.

“Ah! Captain Miller; I was looking for you!” He grinned from one ear to the other, oblivious of the disagreement going on. “We’re about to lift the large candle holder and we could use your help with that...” He smiled kindly at Kathryn. “...If you have time, of course, Sir.”

Chakotay stared at Kathryn for another few seconds before he turned his attentions to the young man. He plastered a pleasant smile on his lips, suppressing the rage and bitterness in his voice.

“Certainly.”

Harry gave Kathryn a friendly nod before he gestured around the corner; inviting Chakotay to follow him. Miller quickly glared back at Kathryn one last time, before he tugged his ear and followed Kim back to the others.

Kathryn, who felt incredibly close to fainting, quickly grabbed hold of the wall beside her for support; before the suppressed tears started to flow uncontrollably.

That night was the first in a very long time that Kathryn cried herself to sleep. B’Elanna tried her best to calm her weeping cousin by whispering encouraging words into her hair while stroking her back. Lanna, despite her hatred for him, knew how attached Kathryn was to Miller and what a severe blow he had dealt her.

After Kathryn passed out from exhaustion B’Elanna sat alone by the kitchen fire, contemplating on how to resolve this situation. She herself was soon to start a new job _(assuming Tom Paris wouldn’t propose until then)_ and she felt uneasy leaving Kathryn behind in the country. Perhaps she should encourage her to quit this teaching position and come back to town with her.

It took B’Elanna an entire pot of tea to decide on a decent course of action and the very next morning when she wanted to set her plan into motion, she received an unexpected letter from the very object of her design: Mark Johnson.


	8. Chapter 8

Chakotay felt guilty. Really guilty.

He knew he had been harsh to Kathryn and that she hadn’t deserved his unkind temper. The words he spoke had been true of course, but he could have delivered them in a gentler manner. He was determined to apologize to her tonight. Kathryn was fiddling with one of the children’s costumes, who were already cramped together up on the stage; waiting for the audience to settle down.

Kathryn kneeled in front of them, calming their nerves before each of them would walk to the centre of the stage to recite a self-written poem. She was incredibly good at hiding her true emotions behind a facade so to anyone who didn’t know her internal emotional struggles thought that she looked incredibly lovely and radiant tonight.

Once the crowd settled and Kathryn had spoken her welcoming words to the harvest fest attendants the first child, a very nervous little girl, presented her poem. The audience was charmed as one child after another delighted them with their verses. The time passed quickly and after perhaps an hour Kathryn called for a short break.

Chakotay thought it would be best if he apologized now, before it got awkward once the music and dancing started. He wiped his sweaty hands in his trousers before getting up from his seat and slowly gravitating towards the stage.

Kathryn was praising the children before she patted a boy on the head. Chakotay, who stood at the edge of the stage was just about to call her attention when another male voice jumped in before him.

“Miss Janeway,” the man called and puzzled he turned round to face a tall, grey haired man he’d never seen before. His gaze was fixed on Kathryn so Chakotay also returned his gaze to her.

“Kathryn,” he called again; this time a little louder and Chakotay instantly felt the hair on his neck standing up. Kathryn!? Who the hell was he to use her first name?

Kathryn, at the sound of her name looked up and a very warm and genuine smile spread across her lips.

“Mark!?” she gasped and took a few steps towards the stairs. Then, as she realized he truly was here, a wide happy grin found its way onto her face and she dashed down the stairs, passing Chakotay and falling into the man’s arms. He hugged her tightly and Chakotay, who was only a few feet away from the hugging pair, felt like his stomach was about to turn upside down.

She kissed Mark on the cheeks and he in response beamed down at her with sparkling eyes and a broad, happy grin.

“Oh my god, what are you doing here?” She caressed one side his face before she patted him on the chest; his arms still wrapped around her hips.

“I came to see how my little Goldenbird is doing,” he jested while stroking her back lovingly. Her back was turned towards Chakotay so he couldn’t see her face, but he still felt like punching the man.

Kathryn giggled before slowly letting go of him. “It is such a delight to see you!” she said as she hooped her arm through his; guiding him away from the stage.

“I agree.” Mark smiled happily. “I’ve missed you so much, Katie.”

Chakotay’s fingers curled together into fists as he watched them move away. Kathryn’s entire demeanor had changed the minute this man had shown up and Chakotay didn’t know what to make of it. Who was he that he had the right to call her by her first name? No, to even give her a _petname_?

Anger, hate, disgust and jealousy started to race through him, making his blood boil, his hands clammy and the air around him thick and humid. Then, his stomach turned completely upside down. Was he one of her rumoured lovers?

Mark and Kathryn made their way towards the exit of the barn, away from buzzing of the villages.  
“To what do I owe this pleasure?” Kathryn finally enquired and Mark took a deep breath before patting her hand. Instant worry crossed her features and Mark nodded in agreement.

“I’m afraid it’s not just all pleasantness...” he began, and he led her out of the building. They rounded a corner and only when they were certain they were alone they came to a halt.

“Mark, what’s the matter?” she questioned nervously as she turned to face him.

Mark took a deep breath before looking her in the eye, uncertain for a moment of how to tell her. “Kashyk... he’s free…”

Kathryn felt like her legs were going to give out and it was only Mark’s quick reaction that kept her on her feet. She blinked, swallowed, blinked again, shook her head before blinking again and then finally looked into his face, searching for answers. Mark, who observed her carefully, knew the questions that raced through her mind.

“He’s served his 10 year sentence Kathryn,” he began.

“Already?” Her voice was barely a whisper and he could tell she was struggling with the news.  
“Yes. And it gets worse, I’m afraid.”

Her eyes, which were wandering aimlessly over his handsome face, suddenly snapped back to his.  
“One of the women who testified against him has gone missing...”

Kathryn’s pulse was beating so fast and so loud that it was ringing in her ears.

“This is why I’m here, Kathryn. I want you to come back to London with me so I can keep an eye on you.” He paused. “So I can protect you.”

He could see she was struggling to cope.

“You’re too exposed out here, Katie.”

“Is it certain he was the reason for the woman’s disappearance?” she questioned breathlessly.

“No... but it would be a very strange coincidence that a few days after his release from prison one of his former victims goes missing, wouldn’t you think?”

Kathryn’s body was shaking, and Mark pulled her close to him into a comforting hug. He pressed a soft kiss into her hair before his hand took hold of her. He always had a weakness for Kathryn and now that he was a free man, he would do everything he could to protect her. To love her.

“Come to London with me, Katie. I swear that I will do everything in my power to protect you from him. I won’t ever let you get hurt by him again. I can take care of you now, you know...”

Still overwhelmed by the horrible news, Kathryn absently nodded before burying her head in his neck. He embraced her fully, cradled her safely in his arms and Kathryn’s hands came to rest on his back.

Chakotay needed air. The intimate fashion in which Kathryn had thrown herself into the arms of that stranger had made him sick. He stared at the floor for what felt like an eternity; trying to regain his equilibrium but he failed miserably. When he looked up, the pair was gone, and the only thing left was the busy world spinning around him. The noise of the people that surrounded him was getting louder by the second and he felt like the air was too thick to breathe.

“Captain Miller, are you alright?” Annika’s hand came to rest on his arm, but he barely registered it. “You look unwell.”

He didn’t respond. He needed to get out before the world came crashing down on him.

Annika, who was starting to feel distressed hooped her hand through his arm and started to pull him towards the door. “Perhaps some air will do you good.”

Chakotay nodded and when the cool evening air finally hit his face, he whispered, “Thank you.”

Breathing became easier and after he took a few sips of air, he focused his attentions to the young blonde next of him. She was looking at him with a worried expression, waiting for him to elaborate what was wrong.

“It’s nothing,” he reassured her, but Annika didn’t buy it. “Just a little dizziness, that’s all.”

“Perhaps we ought to stay outside for a little while before returning to the fest,”` she suggested. “How about a small walk?”

Chakotay nodded. “Yeah, sounds good.”

Annika of course hoped that a romantic walk in the dark would perhaps encourage Chakotay to make a move on her. Not that she needed him to make a move, after all he had already proposed, but she still hoped for a stolen kiss or two before the wedding. She had never been kissed and doing so in the dark, sneaking away from a fest to do it, excited her.

Annika reveled in the thrill of possibly being kissed by Chakotay, but when he suddenly stopped walking her head snapped back to reality. Chakotay was rooted to the ground, staring at the silhouette of a couple in the shadows. Annika peeked past Chakotay and she could tell, that they were embracing very tightly. She smiled before tugging on Chakotay’s arm and throwing him a flirty look.

Chakotay however, didn’t respond. He was stiff as a brick, unable to tear his gaze away from the couple in the shadows. Then the pair shifted, reconfirming his suspicions and Chakotay almost choked while breathing in.

Annika frowned. She couldn’t recognize the man, but the woman was... the teacher?

“I’ve had enough fresh air,” he then suddenly snapped before letting go of her and marching back towards the fest. Annika’s arm dropped to her side as she watched Chakotay fleeing back to the barn. She was baffled by his reaction and wondered if perhaps he was uncomfortable with doing the same with her.

Annika turned to follow Chakotay before she stopped in her tracks, looking back at the couple. She felt the sudden knot in her throat as suspicion struck her. _Janeway!?_


	9. Chapter 9

“Are you attached to her?”

Chakotay’s head popped up from the book he had been trying to so hard read. “I beg your pardon?”

Annika Paris was standing in his library, giving him a questioning stare. Chakotay hadn’t noticed her coming to the house and as he observed her, he also noticed that she seemed angry. Very angry. A small movement in the behind her made him realize that Sekaya and Tom were hovering in the background. Tom gave him an apologetic shoulder shrug.

“Kathryn Janeway!” Annika barked in a very loud and sour tone. “Are you attached to her?”

Chakotay closed his book and laid it onto the chaise longue next to him. His answer was short and stern. “No.”

Annika raised a questioning eyebrow. She clearly didn’t believe what he was saying, her face was as bitter as if she’d just tasted a lemon. “Then why are you drinking?”

He blinked; somewhat taken aback by her strange questioning.

“Because I sometimes like a glass of Brandy.”

Annika snorted.

“It’s 9 in the morning and as far as I can tell you almost drowned a whole bottle of Brandy!”

She pointed to the bottle on the small table next to the lounger, which had only about an inch of brandy left at the bottom. Chakotay really had no clue what the hell was going on, but he certainly didn’t appreciate this interrogation. He got up from the sofa to face Annika.

Her spine was straight and she stared fiercely up at him. He took a step closer but, she didn’t flinch.  
“What the hell is going on?” he demanded.

“That’s what I’m here to find out.” She didn’t back down, instead she only stepped up closer to him. “Do you have a liaison with Kathryn Janeway?”

“No.”

“Are you in love with her?”

“No.”

“Then why did you run away yesterday when you saw her with that man?”

Silence.

“I will ask you again,” she hissed and Chakotay couldn’t believe she was questioning his words. “Are you in love with Kathryn Janeway?”

Ignoring her repeated question about his feelings for Kathryn he decided to defend himself for the accusation she had made before. “I... I didn’t run away.”

Annika’s blue eyes probed him, and he could feel a chill running down his neck. When had this woman become so cold? He knew she wasn’t the most feeling, lively sort of person, but the way she was glaring at him now made his blood freeze.

“Are drowning your feelings for her in alcohol?”

“No!”

He squeezed his eyes shut. Piffle, that came out much weaker and much less confident and convincing than he had intended. Of course, he was downing himself in alcohol to help him cope with Kathryn’s new lover, but she didn’t need to know that. How the hell did she even notice this? He never spoke to her of Kathryn. Did Tom tell her? But then again... he hadn’t even told Tom about his returned feelings for her. Or their disagreement. Or _Mark_.

“You are a liar, Chakotay Miller!”

The anger in her voice was apparent. She slid their engagement ring off her finger before she threw it on the floor in front of his feet. Chakotay gaped in disbelieve.

“I hereby end our romantic connection. I have no wish to marry a man whose affections are otherwise engaged.”

With that, she turned on her heel and left the library in hastened steps. She slammed the door shut behind her and Tom and Sekaya exchanged confused looks. They knew she was excessively angry with Chakotay, but lord, that wasn’t what they had expected to happen.

Chakotay picked up the delicate ring, twisted it in his fingers a few times before he sank to the floor. He pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his head in his hands. Good god, how could he fuck his love life up as much as he had?

Sekaya’s reassuring hand found his shoulders, but Chakotay instantly jerked back.

“Get out!” he snapped; his face still buried in his hands. Sekaya looked at Tom as she had no idea what was happening. She didn’t know why Annika had just left her brother nor what her friend Kathryn had to do with it. Tom’s head notion indicated that he would manage this, so Sekaya stepped back and Tom drew closer.

But before Tom had a chance to kneel down to his friend, Chakotay had grabbed the book he was reading and threw it in Toms direction. It soared passed Toms shoulders.

“I said, GET. THE. HELL. OUT!”

Paris swallowed and raised his hands in defeat. “Alright, alright.” He backed up and pulled Sekaya along. The silently exchanged looks, but decided it was best to leave Chakotay be. He was about to snap; Tom could tell.

Once Chakotay heard the library door fall shut behind them, he reached out and grabbed the brandy decanter. He gulped the rest of the drink down in one go, before he observed the empty carafe. He snorted at his own stupidity before he threw the bottle with a hard swing against one of the bookshelves. With a loud noise it smashed against the bindings, before dropping to the floor and shattering into thousands of pieces.

Chakotay’s hand desperately wiped across his face before he buried his head in his knees and his fingers in his hair. How could a delicate redhead fuck his life up so much? Twice!

He had tried, oh how he had tried, not to fall in love with her again. He had promised himself he wouldn’t. He had spent hours of convincing himself of her wickedness after receiving Admiral Paris’s horrible letter. He had even told her personally she wasn’t worth his time.

God, he damn well knew what a bad kind of woman she was. The pregnancy and the abortion had him struggling with his reasoning for weeks now. One part was telling him that she had been young and foolish and that she perhaps made a mistake that she now regretted severely, but then another part was telling him about all the evilness of character she must have possessed to get herself into such a situation. Now just as he managed to somewhat detach himself from her... now one of her lovers shows up.

The lack of decency she displayed when she entangled herself with the man in the shadow of the night only confirmed his believe in her poisoned nature... and yet he still found himself drawn to her like a moth to the flame. He had tried so hard to hide it all; had tried to get over Kathryn Janeway once and for all but Annika had noticed and had thrown it all right back into his face... along with her engagement ring.

He had decided on a loveless marriage, but instead of living a fairly content life ... instead he found himself on the second, most emotional roller coaster of his life. Once again because of Kathryn Janeway. What had he done to deserve all this?

***

Kathryn wiped a tear away. She hadn’t felt _this_ bad last night, when Mark had told her about Kashyk. Yes, she had been rattled by this unexpected news, but now, as it had time to sink in, now it really started to frighten her. She was already emotionally unstable because of her heart wrenching encounter with Miller a few days ago, but Mark had really made her an emotional wreck.

“Here, drink this tea, Kathryn.”

Mark put the floral teacup down in front of her, before sitting down on the chair to her left.

“No coffee?”

Mark snickered. “No, no coffee. You drink too much of that stuff.”

Kathryn gave him ‘the glare’, but Mark only smiled.

“Coffee won’t calm you down, Katie!”

He was right, of course. When she was on the edge coffee was the last thing her system needed, but most of the time she drank it anyway; she just loved that stuff.

“Sooo... what happens now?”

Her voice was weak, and she stared absently at the cup in front of her. Mark intertwined his fingers and leaned onto the table.

“Well, like I told you last night. I would like it if you came to London with me.”

Kathryn sighed, massaging the bridge of her nose before rubbing her forehead. “It’s not that easy, Mark.”

“Why not?”

“Well, because...” She waved her hand in the air, trying to find words that wouldn’t come.

“Because of Clara?”

She looked at him.

“Clara is dead, Kathryn. You know that.”

Yes, she knew that. Clara, his wife, had died a year ago after being ill for a very long time. Kathryn was even at the funeral to support him.

“I’ve mourned for her the appropriate time, but now I’m ready to move on. With you.”

She shook her head and whispered: “Mark, you know this isn’t right...”

Mark had been in love with Kathryn for a very long time, but his wife’s illness and his obligations towards her had stopped him from leaving Clara. Now that he was a free man, he didn’t see why he couldn’t finally pursue the woman he always wanted to marry. His marriage to Clara had been arranged and he had been okay with the lack of affection between them; until the day he picked up a very distressed and desperate Kathryn Janeway from the streets.

Kathryn had tried to kill herself, but had failed in the attempt to do so. The poison she had swallowed didn’t have its desired effect and Mark had taken it upon himself to nurse her back to health. At first, he hadn’t known why a young, beautiful woman would have tried to kill herself, but when his doctor informed her of her pregnancy he understood. Kathryn wasn’t married and suicide was often a measure that women, who were left by the scoundrel that got them pregnant, resorted to. Little had he known that Kathryn’s story was gravely different to the rest.

She hadn’t been the average foolish girl who had spent some alone time with a dashing officer who had promised her the world; only to leave her for another flame or the battlefield. No, Kathryn’s story was much darker than this. Kathryn had unfortunately little to say in the matter. Kashyk, a friend of her ex-fiancé, had invited her to a friendly lunch to catch up. Kathryn hadn’t seen any of her former friends in a very long time, so she had readily agreed to luncheon. They had spent a pleasant hour in a small café near the river and then decided to go for a short walk afterwards.  
Unfortunately for Kathryn, luncheon wasn’t all that Kashyk had planned and before she knew what was happening, he dragged her down a small and dark alleyway. He told her how jealous he had been of Justin and how much he had wanted to be in his shoes instead. He had pressed her against a damp brick wall, covering her mouth with his hand to muffle her screams. Kathryn had resisted violently, but Kashyk, with a much superior build, had no troubles in taking from her what he wanted. He forced himself upon her in a violent fashion, taking every pleasure he desired from her feminine body before leaving a highly distressed and shaking Kathryn behind.

Even though Mark was an attorney who swore to uphold the law, he hadn’t been able to ignore this disturbing matter. Despite his oath as a law enforcer he had used his underground connections to organize a physician to help deal with Kathryn’s issue. He had taken her to Birmingham, before he and his wife had helped her recover afterwards in London. By the time Kathryn’s mental and physical health had almost been back to normal, Mark had fallen head over heels in love with her. Against his wife’s wishes he had perused the matter of Kashyk and before too long he had found a staggering number of other women, who have claimed to have been used equally ill by him as Kathryn had.

Mark had set out on a legal manhunt. Kashyk was captured in Plymouth before he had been dragged into court. Unfortunately, as women were not seen as a man’s equal and because rape was ‘easy to cry, but hard to prove’ Mark had had his work cut out for him. If a man wanted to take an unmarried woman, who mind you didn’t know anything about sexual encounters until their wedding night, then he pretty much could. Graphic details were needed to be explained by the victim and penetration as well as ejaculations needed to be proved; physically. The law was mostly in favor of the man, but because Mark was an attorney on a mission and because his case had been extremely convincing, he had managed to lock Kashyk up for the full length of 10 years in prison.

By the time Kashyk had been behind bars, he and Kathryn had formed an endearing friendship – much to the disturbance of his wife. She had loathed Kathryn, which was why Mark and Kathryn hadn’t seen much of each other for the past 9 years. They had met up for brief lunches whenever time would permit it and had sent each other frequent letters, but it wasn’t what Mark had dreamed of. As much as Mark had liked Clara, he wasn’t too sorry that she was gone.

“Kathryn...” He leaned forward on the table before taking one of her hands into his own. “I know this all comes as a shock to you, but just imagine the beautiful life we could build together. Clara wouldn’t want me to stay alone for the rest of my life.”

She almost laughed at that. “No. However, I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t like you to pursue me either.”

Mark smiled. “Is Clara’s former dislike for you your only objection?”

She shook her head. “No...”

He stroked her fingers gently. “What else?”

Kathryn took a deep breath. “There is... someone I like.”

Mark was much calmer than she expected him to be at this revelation. He quickly closed his eyes before continuing in his even, soothing tone. “And does he like you, too?”

She smiled sadly before shaking her head again. “No.”

He let out a breath and Kathryn could feel his muscles relax. She knew he was glad about it; even though she herself felt far from it.

“Well then... You’re free to consider my offer. I will not change it because you have caught a few feelings for another man, Kathryn.”

Surprised she looked at him. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

He truly was certain. He had waited 10 years to finally be with her, so he wouldn’t back down now because of another guy – because of a fool who clearly had no idea of what he was missing.

“I will give you some time to think about it. I know how happy you’ll be with me... and I think you know it too. Promise me you’ll think about it!?”

A relaxed lopsided smile found its way onto her lips. “I promise.”

***

“Well, have you thought about it?”

“I am still thinking!”

“You better decide soon”, B’Elanna teased. “Mark’s not going to wait forever you know...”

Kathryn lowered her book. She knew how taken B’Elanna was with Marks proposal.

“I know... I’m just sayin’...” Lanna waved a kitchen knife through the air as she glimpsed Kathryn’s annoyed look. “ _Misses Kathryn Johnson; wife of a successful attorney who is living in an upper-class part of London with her husband and their four children._ .... Has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?”

Janeway laughed. “Four children?”

B’Elanna smirked. “Well, you’re bound to have some...”

“I’m not sure I would want to have four though!”

“Well?” she began again, and Kathryn rolled her eyes. “You know he’ll be perfect for you, right?”

Kathryn sighed. “Yes, I know...”

“But?” B’Elanna stopped snipping the carrots and looked at her cousin earnestly.

“Please don’t tell me you’re still thinking about Miller!?”

“I can’t help it, B’Elanna!”

She pinched her eyes shut. She had tried to banish him from her thoughts, but his image was so persistent. One would think the hours she spent crying over his refusal had made her ready to move on... but... they hadn’t.

B’Elanna dropped the knife she was holding on the chopping board. “Kathryn Janeway, I’m only going to tell you this one more time: Forget that stupid arse and finally move on! Mark is the perfect guy. He’s caring, he respects you, he’s well off, he knows your flaws and your history AND he’s in love with you.”

“I know.”

“Miller is a piece of sh-“

“Lanna!”

“Fine!” She threw her hands in the air. “But you know he is. And if you stay here and refuse Mark in his favour and then Kashyk comes after you...”

“I know. I know. I will regret it,” she shivered when she thought of ever having to face Kashyk again. The sheer thought of him made her insides turn upside and her hands shaky. “You’ve made your point B’E.”

“Good”, she grunted before returning her attention the carrots. “Now go and accept Mark!”

Kathryn took a deep breath. Perhaps B’Elanna was right. She knew she would be happy with Mark in London. He was a very good man and she had the greatest respect for him. She was grateful for everything he has done for her and she would, in time, learn to love him dearly. She was certain about that. Perhaps all she needed was a change of scenery to see clearly again. She would forget Chakotay, just as she had forgotten Justin and then she’d probably wonder why she even had this discussion with herself. Chakotay had made it perfectly clear he had no affections for her so torturing herself with _‘what ifs’_ was totally and utterly pointless.

“I will speak to Mark later,” she declared and B’Elanna grinned from one ear to the other.

“Good. Now come over here and help me cook. I’m not your servant, you know...”

Kathryn chuckled. “You know I can’t cook.”

“I know.” B’Elanna smiled teasingly. “But it’s about time you learned. Someone will have to feed your _four_ children... after all.”


	10. Chapter 10

“Do you have all your belongings?”

Mark gazed over the two suitcases on the floor as Kathryn buttoned up her dark red coat.

“Yes, I never possessed much. It’s really all in those two cases.”

“Jesus Christ, Kathryn. What did you pack? Stones?” he huffed as he picked up her luggage. They didn’t look big, but they were extremely heavy, and he was thankful that he hired a carriage and a porter to take them to the railway station.

Kathryn laughed at his strained face. “I _might_ possess a few books...”

Mark struggled through the door. “No kidding!”

They made their way down the steps of the cottage, followed by B’Elanna who was hugging her day blanket tightly around her body. While Mark and the hired hand loaded the bags into the carriage, Kathryn turned round to face B’Elanna.

“Are you sure you’ll be alright?”

“Yes, don’t worry, Kathy. You two just head to London. I will tidy everything up here and then I’ll see you in a fortnight in town.”

“Alright.”

“You made the right choice”, B’Elanna whispered before caressing Kathryn’s face and hugging her tightly. Kathryn nodded, but it was still hard letting go. She had really liked her teaching position here. The village and its people had quickly found their way into Kathryn’s heart and she was sorry to leave. In town, and as Marks wife, she wouldn’t be teaching anymore as it was neither expected nor required of her.

“Stay safe, alright?”

“Yes, you too.”

The cousins kissed each other on the cheek before Kathryn took Marks hand to helped her into the carriage.

“I’ll see you soon, B’Elanna,” he too kissed her on the cheek before following Kathryn into the carriage. They quickly waved each other goodbye one last time before the carriage set off towards Oxford Station. B’Elanna watched the carriage slowly disappear before returning to the house. She was just about to open the front door as Tom called her attention.

“Kissing other men on the street now, are we?”

B’Elanna turned her head and looked down the stairs. Paris was leaning smugly against the stone railing, one hand on his hips.

“Jealous?” she quipped as she grinned down at him.

“Depends...” His flirty smile widened before he hopped up the first two steps. “Who was that fellow?”

“Well, if you must know... Kathryn’s future husband!”

Tom stopped, then he pulled a face. “Her future husband!?”

“Whose future husband? Who’s getting married?” Chakotay walked up behind Tom, followed by two of his hunting dogs. He was holding a rifle and it was clear the men were just about to head out for shooting.

“Janeway,” Tom answered without a seconds thought, his gaze still fixed on B’Elanna, still trying to work out if she was serious or not. When he noticed Chakotay suddenly tensing up next to him, he realized what he just said. Chakotay had spent days brooding and pining over her. Tom knew how attached Miller was to her, even though he tried so hard not to be.

Paris turned to his friend. Chakotay was rooted to the ground and his face had dropped all its colouring.

“I’m sorry, Chakotay...” he began as he noticed his friends sudden state of shock.

“Well, I’m not!” B’Elanna barked down the stairs.

Tom started to feel uneasy because Torres didn’t look like she was jesting. He knew she didn’t like Chakotay, but her stiff demeanour suggested that this was not certainly not an evil joke. However, he still had to ask: “B’Elanna, are you certain?”

She tugged her blanket closer. The autumn air was chilly and the wind was picking up. “Yes of course I’m certain. She just left with him and all her luggage to catch the 10:45 to London Saint Pancras.”

“But...” Tom was lost for words; but only briefly. “But what about her teaching job? She hasn’t resigned it!”

B’Elanna slowly descended the stairs; intrigued by Millers silence and displeased facial expression. Even though it was Tom who asked the question she was eyeing Chakotay when she answered. “She did. She handed her resignation letter over to Ayala yesterday; informing you of her immediate departure and of me finishing off her teaching week. As far as I am aware, Ayala already sent out a request for a replacement teacher.”

Chakotay blinked in disbelief, watching the Latin woman draw nearer and nearer. B’Elanna could see something was amiss with him, but couldn’t figure out exactly what it was. He sure looked pale though.

“What’s the matter, Miller?” she enquired as she came to a halt about two steps above him, exactly level with his face. “Cat’s got your tongue?”

They were shooting looks at each other and Tom felt a cold rush run down his neck. The atmosphere between them was certainly tense, so he walked another step up to break up the staring contest. He knew they weren’t exactly keen on each other, but this was giving him the creeps.

“Alright you two, how about we go inside for a nice cup of tea,” he bantered as he tried to push them slightly apart with his hands. B’Elanna and Chakotay ignored him.

“Did she ever speak about me?”

Torres snorted before giving him a disgusted look: “Why would she?”

Chakotay walked another step up; close enough now for their bodies to be touching.

“Did she or did she not?”

His eyes were dark as the night and the tone in his voice was a dangerous one; yet B’Elanna wasn’t impressed. She licked her lips, before glaring up arrogantly at him.

“What does it matter, big guy? You made it perfectly clear you wanted nothing to do with her!”

Tom desperately tried to wedge himself in-between them. He was certain that any moment now one of them was going to lash out onto the other.

She narrowed her eyes; still unsure of what it was that vexed him. “Why do you ask?”

“Because he’s in love with her!” Tom suddenly blurted out.

“WHAT?” B’Elanna shrieked and Chakotay almost lost his footing as Paris pushed him down a couple of steps; bringing distance between the pair of them. She stared at Tom with wide eyes before she turned to Chakotay, utterly amazed by this sudden revelation. “Is that true!?”

Chakotay blinked before tugging on his ear. He didn’t need to answer because now B’Elanna was really fired up.

“Well, now I’m really glad she’s gone with Mark,” she hissed and Chakotay’s head shot up.

“Mark!?” he repeated. He instantly knew that he was the man that showed up to the harvest-fest only a few days ago. The images of her happy face and of them hugging in the darkness had burned themselves into his brain. He instantly felt sick.

“Yes, Mark!” she reconfirmed.

Toms confused look bounced from B’Elanna to Chakotay and then back to B’Elanna. “Who’s Mark?”

B’Elanna raised an eyebrow. “He’s the kind of man Miller will never be!”

Chakotay was getting angry. “And what kind of man is that? Hm?” He slowly stepped back up the stairs. “A man who takes a woman out into the dark to seduce her?”

B’Elanna snorted. “On the contrary. He’s the man that helps women like that.”

“Didn’t seem like it.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about Miller, but Mark was the one who saved Kathryn all those years ago when she tried to commit suicide. She wouldn’t be alive if it weren’t for him. He was the one who locked up Kashyk for his crimes, who helped her recover from her ordeal!”

Tom and Chakotay’s blinked in confusion. Suicide? Ordeal? Kash..who?

Paris raised his hands to calm Torres down. “B’Elanna”, he said in a soothing voice as he stepped closer to the fuming woman. “What are you talking about?”

B’Elanna’s eyelids fluttered rapidly as she realized that she had probably said too much. She swallowed before she said “Nothing!” She was just about to turn round and walk back up the stairs when Chakotay forcefully grabbed her arm. She jerked around, only to see him looming dangerously over her. She had no idea how he suddenly came up so many steps, but now she was getting seriously intimidated by the man.

“You better tell me right now what the hell going on!”

His voice was rough and the grip on her arm was painful. The look in his eyes reeked of danger. He was a predator out on the hunt, and he had now found his prey. B’Elanna forcefully reminded herself to breath. In the corner of her eye she could see Tom nervously shifting from one leg to the other. She had to spill the beans now or Chakotay was going to lose it; she could sense it.

Before her mind knew what she was doing, her mouth revealed the worst bit of the entire story.

“Kathryn was raped.”

Chakotay’s mouth fell wide open and Tom sucked in an unhealthy amount of air. Miller’s grip on her arm immediately dropped.

“Ten years ago, Kathryn was raped by a man named Kashyk. She fell pregnant with that bastard’s child and tried to kill herself as a result. Mark saved her from her suicide attempt. He helped her remove the child before he went on a manhunt to convict Kashyk.”

Chakotay’s pulse was racing like he’d just ran the distance of ten miles.

“So... Tighe... he wasn’t...?”

“No. He wasn’t. He broke off the engagement to Kathryn after her father died; when it became apparent that Edward had squandered all his money by gambling. Justin, who was only ever after the Janeway’s wealth, got engaged to another Admirals daughter. He died at sea, though before he could marry his new flame.”

Both men had troubles processing the information giving to them.

“And... Kash..?”

“Kashyk. Mark had found other victims which is why he managed to bring him behind bars for 10 years. Mark’s an attorney. Unfortunately, Kashyk has been released recently. One of his former victims has disappeared, hence why Mark came up to fetch Kathryn. She will be safe with him.”

There was a long stretch of silence and when Chakotay finally spoke again, his anger had dissolved into a desperate mumble. “She would be safer with me.”

As much as B’Elanna hated the man... he was right. She would’ve been safer with him as he hadn’t been previously involved in the affair like Mark had.

“Yes, she would be,” she admitted quietly and Chakotay ran a hand through his hair. He started pacing up and down the steps, before he came to rest again in front of B’Elanna.

“Miss Torres,” he began and she could clearly see the desperation in his eyes. “Did she ever speak of me? Did she... did she ever...”

“Love you?” she finished for him and she hated how soft her voice had suddenly become. Chakotay’s eyes begged her for an honest answer and B’Elanna couldn’t believe what she was about to say.

“Yes. She did. She still does... I believe.”

“You believe?” interjected Tom and B’Elanna laughed softly. The absurdity of it all was somewhat amusing.

“Well... She cried herself to sleep last night....”

Chakotay exhaled the breath he’d been holding before he hastily glanced at his silver pocket watch. What had she said before? The 10:45 train?

She watched him as his fingers lightly touched each other as if he was counting the time.

“You can make it... if you’re quick,” B’Elanna confirmed and Chakotay nodded. She was right, he could still make it... if he found a horse within the next few minutes. Without another word Chakotay dropped the hunting gear he had been wearing before he sprinted towards the pub and bakery. If he was lucky Mister Neelix hadn’t set out yet on this shopping trip and the horses were still there.

B’Elanna laughed as she watched him run across the slippery lawn, almost falling over twice. Tom stepped up to her before he put his hand on her lower back.

“You could’ve told him sooner.”

She snickered. “I didn’t know he liked her. He’s been a stupid arse to her from what I could tell.”

Tom agreed. “He has... but that’s because he didn’t know half the story and because he thought she was toying with him.”

The pair watched as Chakotay suddenly dashed around the corner on the back of a brown horse and down the road that lead to Oxford.

“You think he’ll make it?”

B’Elanna shivered when the wind picked up again. “I don’t know...”

“Hey...” Tom stroked her back and B’Elanna looked at him. “How about we get you warmed up and talk about what I came here to talk about?”

They moved up to the door.

“And what is it you want to talk about, Mister Paris?”

Tom grinned as he opened the door and pushed B’Elanna into the comfortable warmth of the house. “Us.”

“ _Us!?_ ”

***

“Kathryn!?“

He desperately stumbled over a stack of trunks that a porter was just re-arranging. The station was busy with people walking in all directions and Chakotay tried to peer over their heads, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. The train had already arrived at the platform and was letting off steam, while lots of passengers disembarked and luggage was pushed about.

“Kathryn!”

Frantically he swayed from left to right, stepping over bags, dodging mail sacks and wooden planks. He struggled to keep himself calm, his heart was racing like crazy as he feared he might have missed her. He was just about to call her name again when he spotted her red coat at the far end of the platform. She was waiting in a short queue to get on the train, her two suitcases by her feet.

Chakotay didn’t let his eyes leave her figure as he hustled down along the platform. He watched Mark, as he returned to her side to hand her a small ticket and engaged her in conversation. She faintly smiled before Mark bent down to pick up one of her suitcases. Before he could take a step forward Chakotay had reached the pair.

“Kathryn!”

Both of them looked up, before confusion spread over both their faces. Kathryn froze and Mark turned to look at her before he looked back at Chakotay, followed by another glance at her. Silently she stared at Chakotay and he stared at her, trying to catch his breath.

“Katie, do you know that man?” Mark asked, and Kathryn sucked in some air. It took her a moment to collect herself and Chakotay took another step forward.

“She does.”

Mark quickly eyed Chakotay, before putting his hand on Kathryn’s arm. She seemed in shock and he lovingly brushed his thumb over her arm.

“Kathryn?”

She blinked before she looked at him. “Yes?”

She was as pale as if she’d just seen a ghost and Mark could tell that she didn’t quite understand what was going on.

“I asked if you know that man!” he repeated, and Kathryn followed his gaze to Chakotay. She swallowed when she realized she hadn’t been dreaming up Chakotay. He was indeed standing in front of her; looking at her with wide and desperate eyes, panting from his frantic race to the station.

“May we talk?” Chakotay’s eyes didn’t leave her as he slowly stepped forward. Her lips twitched.

“Ssh-… sure,” she finally said before she gave Mark a nod. Mark felt uneasy. He didn’t know the man, but whoever he was, he didn’t like the way he had just thrown Kathryn completely out of composure.

“The train leaves in 4 minutes,” he interjected and Kathryn nodded.

“I won’t be long, Mark.”

Mark gave Chakotay a sharp glare before he watched the pair take a few steps to the side to get some privacy. Kathryn was hesitant and her fingers were clenching the little sack in her hand tightly. She wasn’t sure whether she wanted to look Chakotay into the eyes or not. Her leaving Dorvan was hard enough. Did he have to come here to torment her even more?

“Kathryn…” he began again and she looked up at the use of her first name. She’d never given him permission to use it and it sounded outrageously intimate how it rolled off the tip of his tongue.

“Mister Miller…”

He fleetingly looked to the floor while he frowned. His mind had been so preoccupied with getting to the station on time that he hadn’t considered of what he ought to say to her.

“Miss Janeway… Kathryn…”, he stammered and he tugged the lobe of his ear. “I… I owe you an apology.”

If he didn’t have her full attention before, now he definitely had it.

“I fear I have been unforgivingly rude to you and I … I misjudged your character.”

She stared at him with wide eyes, but didn’t respond.

“Greatly,” he added before giving her pleading look. He tugged his ear again before licking his lips. “I… I was wrong, about … about your past. I… I didn’t know all the circumstances and I made a terrible judgement based on the wrong information.”

Kathryn took a deep breath, still clinging onto her small sack as if it would give her any support or protection. She didn’t really understand what exactly he was talking about, but she felt like she should say something. He looked awfully tense. “I see…”

“I… Miss Torres told me.”

“B’Elanna?”

“Yes.”

Now she was really confused. She wasn’t sure what she could have possibly told him about her. B’Elanna hated the man and would not engage in a conversation with him unless forced to.

“What did she tell you?”

He pulled his eyebrows together, before inching a little bit closer, lowering his voice.

“About Kashyk…”

She drew in a sharp breath, her mouth for forming voiceless ‘how’ and ‘why’. She couldn’t fathom why B’Elanna, of all people, would have told him. It’s something only her very close and intimate circle knew. And even the few who knew never spoke of it. She knew that if B’Elanna had truly told him, then he knew the whole extent of the horrid affair.

He could see her wrestling with herself, willing her mind to understand.

“I made her,” he offered, and she looked at him stern. “I… I’m sorry…I just… I _had_ to know.”

“You have no right to know,” she gasped.

He shifted uncomfortably; tugging his ear once again. She was right, of course. He had gravely invaded her privacy, but he couldn’t have helped himself. Whether he liked to admit it or not, his whole thought process had been circling around her ever since he had found her trapped to her carriage in the rain. Her delicate looking figure and her feminine charm, not to mention the laced underwear, had put him under her spell, again.

“Kath-“

“Katie, time to leave!” Mark suddenly appeared next to her, placing his hand on the small of her back; nudging her towards the train. She wasn’t exactly startled by Marks sudden appearance, but still felt a little uneasy by his unexpected closeness.

Marks hand put more pressure on her back to get her moving. Kathryn’s look lingered on Chakotay for another few seconds before she let herself be pushed away from him. She had already turned to face the train when she felt a powerful hand grab her wrist to stop her.

“No!”

Mark and Kathryn turned round to look at him.

“No, Kathryn!” he muttered. “You can’t go with him.”

He drew her closer to him, away from Mark grasp, until their bodies were almost touching.

“Why not?” Her voice was much softer and more desperate than she wanted it to be. Chakotay slowly let go of her wrist and brought his hand up to her face. He brushed his fingers along her cheekbone before nudging her chin up a little to look at him. Kathryn felt shivers running down her back, but she couldn’t tear herself away from him. His eyes were dark and soft and she could feel his warm breath on her skin. His Adam’s apple moved ever so slightly as he swallowed. He gave her a look that almost made her knees buckle and when he spoke, his voice was barely more than a whisper.

“Because I am in love with you, Kathryn Janeway.”

She drew in a sharp breath at his unexpected confession. His eyes never left her when his other hand pushed her even closer to him. Before she could respond, he added: “And I believe, you are in love with me too.”

Kathryn gulped while staring at him with wide eyes; unable to comprehend what was happening.

“Katie!” Marks voice was impatient, and she knew he couldn’t have possibly heard what Miller had just said. It had been so quiet that only she had just managed to make out the words.

“We gotta go, Katie!”

She could feel Marks moving up close behind her, but she didn’t look away from Chakotay when she spoke to him; her voice surprisingly neutral and even.

“You go ahead without me, Mark. I will follow you later. Seems like I still have business to attend to here.”

Mark, who couldn’t make sense of the situation at all, blinked in confusion. He didn’t like how close that man was standing to Kathryn nor did he like the fact that he had just touched her face publicly.

“Do... Do you want me to take your bags with me?”

She shook her head; her gaze still fixed on Chakotay. “No... I will take them.”

“Okay...” He was torn between staying and leaving. She said she would follow, but he wasn’t sure why he all of a sudden felt so nervous and uncertain. Something in his gut told him that this might be the man that Kathryn was telling him about. The man she loved, but who didn’t love her. Or did he?

“What... what train will you catch? ... So I can pick you up from the station....”

She sounded almost breathless. “I... I don’t know, Mark.”

He nodded, before he muttered “Right...”.

Mark was wrestling with his feelings. He couldn’t force her onto the train; nor could he force himself upon her if she still had private business to attend to. It wasn’t his place yet to interfere in her private affairs. Slowly he started to ascend the steps of the steam train. Kathryn said she would follow and she had her own ticket so she could catch the next train... or the one after that... or whenever her business here was concluded. This small interlude was no big deal – at least that’s what he tried to convince himself of as he entered the train carriage. By the time he took his seat by the window, his hands were shaking and his breath was coming out in stressed huffs and puffs.

His eyes never left the pair on the platform as the train slowly began to move. The platform filled with steam and just before Kathryn was completely out of his sight, he could see Chakotay bending down to her, kissing her.

Marks pressed his eyes shut before his hand ran over his face and through his hair. His gut had told him the minute this guy had shown up that his life with Kathryn was probably coming to an end before it had even begun, and he was kicking himself for it. He hated his stupid good nature. He knew the second he set a foot towards the train that he was letting her go, but he hadn’t been able to bring himself to turn around and beg her to come with him. He loved her too much to wish her to be unhappy. If that man would make her happy then who was he to interfere?

He groaned as he pushed his head back onto the cushioned backrest; willing himself to forget her parting words because he knew already, they weren’t going to be true.

She had promised Mark she would follow him to London.

Yet, she never did.

\- fin-


End file.
